


To Love Your Fate

by Korpuskat



Series: Amor Fati [3]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, DFAB but gender neutral reader, Dark Side Fluff, Dream Sex, Fluff, Force sensitive!Reader, Mild Painplay, Minor Character Death, Mirror Sex, Naked Female Clothed Male, Oral Sex, Other, POV Second Person, Smut, Somnophilia, dubcon, mild Identity Porn, post-TFA
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-21
Updated: 2018-02-26
Packaged: 2018-08-16 06:29:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 29,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8091271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Korpuskat/pseuds/Korpuskat
Summary: With Kylo gone to train with Leader Snoke, you have a new set of challenges to face with the Knights of Ren. As your training slowly changes you, you worry about one thing: who will Kylo Ren be when he returns?Post-TFA/Alternative VIII.





	1. Beginning

The day came more quickly than you wanted, the need to face the future pushing you towards awareness.. And for a fleeting moment- in the hazy, blurred seconds between sleep and wakefulness, you were still happy. You thought he was with you. His thick scent and the ruffled sleeves of his shirt wrapped around you so soothingly. You opened your eyes, half expected to find him already awake- watching you with a gentle, unreadable expression.

But you opened your eyes and only saw that Kylo was gone.

The memory plunged through your chest, made you feel heavy in the sheets. Worse still, you felt it- no, not just the lingering grogginess of sleeping too long and the lost remnants of a pleasant dream, but _them._

Two strange new presences that stood out to you like flares in the black void of the universe. Unfamiliar, both of them. One so pitch black you shivered- the other lighter, nearly the same shade you'd associate with your own mind. But something else too- a strange flickering sense of- you squinted as though that could help, tried to label the strange new level of perception-- of _color_ along their signatures.

The dark one was, perhaps, blue- and rough. Jagged at the edges and torn, bleeding into the area around him. The lighter one was- was tinged with... purple. And faded, blending into the bluer Force signature. 

And they were close. Too close, but not on board yet. Could they feel you too? They must- if you were still as untrained in the Force as you felt, then surely they should've sensed you long before you woke. Did your own signature have a color associated- and, was that normal, or were you just hallucinating? You couldn’t tell.

You sniffed, rubbed at your face.You couldn’t keep lying in bed. You had a new day to start- that's all you could do, really. Get ready and meet you new master and the accompanying Knight.

You pulled on fresh robes, hesitantly selecting the thicker armor you had worn on Jakku. A good impression was vital to this- you were fairly sure. Being Kylo Ren's apprentice surely carried a bit of a weight to the title and you had to at least try to live up to that, even if you didn’t feel up to par.

Of course, not up to par was an understatement. You felt weak and small next to Kylo, couldn’t even comprehend the power and _foresight_ needed to stop a blaster rifle’s bolt. Anxiety pricked at your stomach- you didn’t even know who would be training you, they wouldn’t have any emotional attachment to you. 

You swallowed hard and sat at the edge of your bed, tried to calm yourself. You ignored the two new, strange signatures and instead reached blindly through the ship for anything comforting that you could wrap your mind around. 

Hux was close enough nearby you found him nearly immediately. You slid against his mind- Hux’s thoughts were orderly and familiar, buzzing through his routines and preparing to meet the two Knights in the bay. An underlying touch of static beneath his near pristine thoughts.

You frowned, pressed a touch harder into his mind- and he was anxious. Horribly so. His gloves creaking as he raked this fingernails against his palm- the leather protesting, his legs itching to pace along the corridor next to the hangar bay. You picked up something about a meeting with Snoke- you grimaced, fell away from his mind.

Of course. Hux had believed he would be executed for his part of the failure at Starkiller. You’d already lost your mentor and lover, and now one of the few people on the ship you had any sort of familiarity with.

 

 

You didn't call a droid for Kylo's clothes yet. You left his rumpled shirt in your bed, spread out over his pillow. If today was going to go as you expected- or even better, even the best possible outcome for this day- you would need his presence with you. No matter what form that comfort took. If he couldn't hold you, then you'd just have to make due. All you had to do was survive the next few weeks, and if holding a shirt helped you- who could argue?

You stood silently next to the hangar’s doors, stared at the void of space and the already mostly-repaired TIE Fighters along the walls. You only paid attention when the alarm sounded that a ship was docking.

The shuttle the two Knights arrived in wasn't a standard Order model. Sharp like most Imperial designs, but different- smoother and sleeker than any models that immediately came to mind. Probably Xeni's personal craft, you suspected, if Enki was not a pilot.

You tried to keep your mind steady as the unfamiliar craft landed in the shuttle bay, its engines venting gently from the top of the slick, slightly rounded cockpit. You couldn't gauge their emotional responses- just their presence. Figures, at least- that they would keep themselves guarded for the moment. Were your shields strong enough to keep your own emotional broadcasting tapped out, or was it only your direct thoughts that were being protected? You hadn’t tested that enough with Kylo. Even if they knew what you were feeling, so long as they stayed well away from the bits of memories you had tucked away (in bits of languages, the phrases for astrological travel in traditional Quarren) then you should be okay.

You shook your head, flexed your fingers carefully, stole a glance at Hux. His anxiety about the Knights had returned, louder now- not that you could blame him... but there was something else in his mind. Swirling and half-hidden under his active thoughts.

The ramp lowered and you forced yourself to look to the ship once more. Your breath caught in your throat at the first sight of them.

Their masks were, indeed, similar to Kylo's. Sharp-edged around the back like Kylo’s and their outfits mostly black, but aside from that- there was little unifying trend.

The taller, broader Knight stomped down the ramp, their gait initially reminding you of Kylo's- all power and control and just barely suppressed rage. This was the one with the dark, ragged (blue?) signature. Their robes were not the same as yours; their massive, nearly dragging surcoat only draped over their shoulders, not a single tie in sight, and barely caught on the back of their helmet. Under their surcoat were more, wrapping robes.

The helmet itself was shaped like a distorted skull was all you could compare it to- even somewhat like the remains of Vader's mask, but nearly diamond in shape, like the cheek bones were stretched out. They looked to you, then to the General, and said nothing; their response not giving the tiniest shred of an impression.

The smaller Knight exited then, their hands tucked into pockets of their own surcoat. Theirs was stiffer, made of a thicker material and shaped more like yours and Kylo's. It wasn’t held in place by a belt, but rather clipped along their chest, allowing the coat to hang slightly askew off their body. Their mask was- strange. An obvious slit for a visor, but below it an array of marked squares in place of a mouth. It seemed larger on their shoulders than it should, taller than you would expect.

The smaller (the purple one, you think) Knight approached you and Hux first. All at once, their shielding dropped away, sort of. Their emotional response flooded your mind; a low irritation, mostly intrigued at their new post, a strong sense of curiosity. They turned away from you, nearly spinning on their booted heel. "So, General Hux, you've been briefed of our business here?"

You blinked, canted your head. The Knight’s voice was unusual, melodic and lilting- clear despite speaking through their mask and, implicitly, a vocoder. From their pitch, you had no doubt that this Knight was a woman. This- was Xeni Ren. Your new teacher.

Hux's hackles rose immediately, "Of course. Xeni Ren will be taking the place of Kylo in his absence, and Enki will be taken to a rendezvous with the _Hunter."_

And- something shifted uneasily in your belly. Xeni laughed. The noise wrong and unnatural through whatever filter was on her mask, made stranger by the off-key amusement rolling off her emotional response. "No need to be so formal, General! I’m Xeni. Now, are there quarters ready for us?"

"Yes, 30106 and 30107 in the officers’ quarters sector have both been designated for your use."

Your heart constricted for a moment- those were just down the hall from your quarters. There’d be no privacy for you- no escape from their inevitable prying. Would you have to guard your mind at all times…?

"Great!” At least her joy felt genuine. “I’ll need a tour of your ship. Unless you have other matters to oversee?" 

Hux wanted to object, a twinge of annoyance falling from his mind. He reminded himself, somewhat bitterly, that Xeni would be taking Kylo’s role in more than just your new master- she would also be the co-commander of the ship. He swallowed back his objection- driven to hold his tongue for whatever possibility of a future he still had. “Of course, Lady Ren.” 

Her strange, squared face turned to you, the first time she had addressed you since they had arrived. “What training room did Kylo have you use?”

You had expected that at least. You forced your voice to be level as you responded: “Room 135, on _dorn_ deck.”

“Good. Meet us there in, oh, three hours?” She glanced towards Hux as though to seek confirmation that this was an appropriate estimate. When he didn’t correct her, she continued. “Shall we go?”

Hux met your eyes briefly, something like a mutated camaraderie coming from his response. “Yes, let’s start with the bridge.” 

Xeni and Hux walked by you towards the door- focused solely on the exploration of the _Finalizer_. Enki- your heart skipped a beat- _Enki_ passed by you, his horrific skull mask turned to stare at you as he walked. His mask swiveled back to stare ahead of him, the blast door closing swiftly behind him. And you were left alone. 

 

 

Anxiety pulled at your body, made you tremble even as you returned to your quarters. Had you been this nervous the first time you had trained with Kylo? It was hard to remember. You took a quick shower in an attempt to force yourself to calm down, to at least feel physically fresh before you entered your chosen training room. 

You were early, at least, and you would have enough time to try and settle your mind. You removed your outer robes and laid them along the wall with your boots. You felt your fingers shaking as you sat on the thickly padded floor.

Meditation did not come easy- your mind too tightly wound to let go. Your stomach flipped unhappily, even as you tried to argue yourself into relaxation-- Worrying now would not help; Xeni and Enki would do as they pleased without unnecessary anxiety to make you shake and stutter! You breathed in deeply- and imagined Kylo. 

Imagined that, somewhere, Kylo was meditating too. Imagined him sitting next to you- his calming, dark, heavy presence washing over your mind. You sighed, let the tension leave your shoulders as though he were rubbing them.

A calm determination took root then; you had to survive these eight weeks. You would be competent- strong, even. You wouldn’t let this be the end of you- or of him. You let this thought bind your fraying edges together, let it wrap around your spine and support you.

You held onto the thought as tight as you could- felt your fingernails bite into your palms as the doors to the training room opened.

The two Knights stepped into the room and at once you felt somehow relieved- Xeni’s emotional response was open, unguarded-- unlike Enki’s, still tightly sealed away, hardly even a sense of his well being. It was unnerving- felt too similarly to how Kylo had hid himself from you. 

You stood slowly, stared at the unseeing visor of Xeni’s mask. How were you supposed to greet her? You had hardly spoken to each other yet. 

“You’re not what I had expected,” Xeni spoke with her strange voice, stepping towards you. Enki moved away, towards one corner of the room of the training room and leaned casually against the wall. 

You paused, somewhat confused- and ventured, “Thank you?”

She laughed again, let her enjoyment wash over you, the feeling lined with condescension. You felt your brow tighten, struggled not to let your distrust show too brightly in your own response. 

“Kylo wasn’t very clear on the progress of your training,” Xeni said as she walked towards your coat and boots against the wall. There was something was definitely _wrong_ with her voice- like it didn’t move with her as she faced away from you, probably staring at your discarded robes. “How far along are you? Can you move things yet?”

She wasn’t human, Kylo had mentioned that, but you’d never heard of a nonhumans’ voice being so… strange. “Yes, but I don’t think I’m very good at it yet.” 

He heard tilted and she looked over her shoulder at you. “Can you predict moves in a fight?”

You blinked, “I- don’t think so. We didn’t spar often- mostly it was just, um…” You shrugged, struggled to categorize your relevant training. “More mental training than physical, I think.” 

Xeni hummed and began undoing the ties to her surcoat along her sternum. “Can you influence people?”

You watched her lay her outer layer of her armor to the right of yours along the same wall. She stepped on the heel of one boot and pulled it off, revealed a black-socked foot that looked almost human in shape. “I’ve never tried,” 

“Then, let’s start---”

“Xeni.” You jumped, turned to stare at the other Knight as he stepped closer, away from his little perch in the corner. Enki’s skull-like mask stared back at you, the seemingly empty holes of eyes piercing through you. Your stomach flipped, your body frozen in place. Enki’s voice was deep, heavily modulated and thick with static from his vocoder: “You will spar with them.”

“But I,” You started to protest- swallowed, wished to recall those two simple words. You glanced between them.

Xeni crossed her arms, annoyance obvious even without access to her emotional response. The irritation you had felt in the hangar bay suddenly restored: “There a particular reason why, Enki?”

“You should assess this supposed Apprentices’ abilities first hand. Physical and mental.” 

You frowned sharply, bit your tongue before you could snap at him. Supposed apprentice? What does that even mean- why the fuck would you or Kylo lie about that? 

Xeni paused- you felt her considering it. She sighed and your heart dropped in your chest. “I suppose,” Her voice turned sharp- “but I don’t appreciate you interfering with _my_ apprentice’s training.” 

You shivered, prayed that Enki wasn’t actually as violent as you had heard. Or at least that he wouldn’t outright attack you- or Xeni. Or hopefully anyone else on the ship before he leaves. 

Xeni’s hands lifted- and caught the releases to her mask. The seal broke and, like Kylo’s mask, the mouthpiece lifted away. At first- you only noticed that her helmet was larger and taller than you had expected-- and three long, striped headtails fell from the black durasteel. 

Right. Togruta. 

She placed her mask on the ground next to her coats, adjusted her lekku so that all three lay behind her shoulders, and turned towards you. You blinked- shocked by the difference between her inhuman mask and, well, her equally inhuman face. Her skin was nearly colorless, a light blue-gray. Her face was marked with an intricate design in white- sharp angles in a line along her brow. Her mouth- you flinched- had a large scar over the center. Ragged lines, crossing just off-center to form an “X” over her lips. 

She grinned widely, an obvious strike of amusement coming from her as you watched the scars stretch. She enjoyed this- that much was obvious from her mind; you were not the first person to be uncomfortable around her and you doubted you would be the last. Her eyes, a golden yellow-orange, glittered with mischief. Her lips, pulled taut in her smile, did not move. “You were in the Order, right? Were you trained before joining us?”

You felt your mouth drop open, stared at her- that, was wrong. What in the fucking stars-- had you- blinked and missed it? Did Togrutas did not speak with their mouth…?

No. Again her lips did not move: “How much combat training do you have?”

You spoke without thinking, “How are you talking?”

Her smile widened, one corner of her mouth pulling up. “I speak through the Force. How much combat training do you have?”

You opened your mouth to ask again- but stopped, pursed your lips. From the continued amusement off her mind, she’d probably only answer with something just as cryptic as _I speak through the Force_. Which- didn’t make a lot of sense. You’d spoken with Kylo using the Force, directly into each other's minds-- that was not how Xeni sounded. No, her voice sounded... not immediately in your head- like it had originated elsewhere. 

You frowned, tried to file the thought away for another time. “Not much. Some before I became a translator for the Order- just to work on a wartime ship. That was mostly with blasters. Some with Kylo, that was more melee based.” 

Xeni’s head tilted as the thought, her hands resting on her hips. “Do you have a weapon yet?”

“Oh,” You swallowed, thought of your vision of a battlefield- “No, I… I think I am going to make a lightsaber.” You paused, blinked, “I actually don’t have any training with a sword,” 

Xeni huffed a laugh- sort of. Her nose looked like it flared with an exhale, at least. “Okay. Let’s start easy, shall we? Basic hand-to-hand.”

You flushed, dropped your head. You’d certainly have a few new marks after today. “Yeah.” 

Xeni approached you and you willed yourself to relax, to remember what little you could of self-defense. Kylo’s physical training was minimal- how to stand, what to hit with, what to protect. Even so, you pulled what you could and lowered your stance, tucked your elbows in, and raised your hands. 

Xeni nodded, her strange voice confirming: “Good. Now, hit me.” 

This... was not going to go well, you already knew. But you had to try, didn’t you? You swallowed, balanced your weight between your feet. The neck was a soft spot wasn’t it? At least on humans- Togrutas were similar enough to humans weren’t they?

You waited for a moment, for the right timing- and tried to hit her throat-

And she moved first: half a step to the left-- her hand catching your wrist, the other grabbing your shoulder and she stepped closer- her leg between yours (what?) and she pushed you. You tried to stumble back, flailing your arms uselessly, but your leg caught on her foot, acting as a pivot- and you’re too far off balance-

Your back hit the floor, the wind knocked from your chest. You managed a soft, “Oh.” 

Xeni sighed and you fought to get back to your feet. “I suppose you could be worse. Here, try again.” 

You got back into position. Maybe you just needed the warm-up, you could do better. This time, you aimed for her chest, the center of her ribcage, a weak spot in most humanoids.

Again- she knocked your strike away with her forearm, your momentum carrying you towards her. And her free arm shot up- a strangled cry escaping your mouth as her gloved hand curled around your throat. A touch of conditioned arousal tried to poke its way into your mind and was quickly smothered by the actual threat of actual bodily harm. 

Instinct, not training, made you grab at her wrist and struggle. You had just enough thought to bring your knee up against her unprotected ribs; Xeni flinched only slightly. Still, the tiny squinting of her eyes was rewarding enough to make you want to shout. Her fingers tightened for a moment- and she stepped away.

Your hands fell to your knees, bent at the waist, breathing heavily and delicately touching your throat. 

Xeni hummed, relaxed, and rocked on her feet. “We’ll have to work on that.” 

You huffed and nodded, already aware of your own shortcomings.

“How are your mental defenses then?”

You barely had time to blink up at her- saw her hand stretched towards you, the first tendril of her gray-purple signature snaking towards you.

Your pinched your eyes closed, slammed your shielding up. Her probe was- saturated, that’s all you could think of. Strong and potent in her intentions, you felt her fight through your shielding as you struggled to keep her out. You pressed your own power back against her intruding tendril and- Her thoughts sharpened. Just as Kylo’s had- a tiny blade that pierced through your barriers like an arrow. 

She passed through each wave of resistance you gave, but each slowed her, forced her to redirect, and finally you even pushed her _back-_

and she withdrew.

You fell backwards onto the mat, a headache pounding in your skull. Her hand fell back to her side, her face nor response (what little you could still decipher past the throbbing headache) gave any clue of her own distress.

“Huh. You’re not too bad at that.” Her not-voice only made the pain spike, needles pressing behind your temples. You rubbed at your eyes, tried to will the pain away. “That’ll be all for today.”

You blinked up at her, flinched at the sudden overpowering brightness of the lighting in the training room. A wave of displease echoed from the corner- Enki’s thick arms crossed over his chest- his long robe hanging strangely off his forearms. It was the only emotion you picked up from him as his shielding slid back into place. 

Xeni ignored him. “Be here at the same time tomorrow. We’re going to talk about hitting people. And weapons.” She paused, tapped her chin thoughtfully- “And then test your persuasion abilities.” 

You nodded breathlessly, felt a bead of sweat roll down your brow. Xeni turned away from you and gathered her robes. You watched her put her helmet back on- how her headtails tucked up against her skull. She carried her robes out over her arm.

Enki paused in the doorway to stare at you- just as he had in the hangar bay- Your chest constricted- you stared back at his mask, tried to read anything from his response. There was nothing, of course. Complete silence. Then he, too, left. 

You sat on the floor of the training room for a few minutes trying to catch your breath. 

 

 

You immediately turned down the lights in your quarters and stumbled to the bedroom. Your headache refused to relent, determined to make you as miserable as possible. You laid down on your bed, barely having the energy to kick your heavy boots off and let them flop to the floor. 

Kylo’s shirt still laid over his pillow, just as you had left it, untouched by service droids or any living being who would dare to intrude on Commander Ren's quarters. One dark sleeve stretched towards you- flat and lifeless- but towards your own pillow nonetheless. You laid a hand over the thick ridges and closed your eyes, a heavy sigh pulled from your lips. You wished to reach for him, to see if you could feel him at all- but the next pulsating throb from your headache quieted that thought. Perhaps the next day you would be able to reach for him from across the stars.

Even if you couldn't, the solemn vow that you would make it through this was still strong. You made it through the first day, after all. You were already one step closer to being next to him again.


	2. Passage [Explicit]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two weeks; your training continues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Contains** : Training! Dreams! You get to know more about the mysterious and mean Enki Ren! Smut! and Angst! Lots of Angst! Some violence against Reader (bc training) and some Force violence against Reader (bc assholes).

He whispers to you, his voice molten chromium pouring hot through your mind, wordless- you reach for him and his fingertips brush over yours, a fleeting little touch that could never be enough. He _needs_ you so bad it pulls the air from your lungs. He aches for you and it’s a pain he’s never known before, something so strange new to him- something that only belongs to you. He wants to be with you. He’s never _needed_ anyone before.

For you he might just learn.

His lips move so slowly, parting so carefully you can watch where the dried, bitten skin sticks together. He tries to tell to you. You can already feel it through your bond, vivid and real. But he wants to _tell_ you. His voice warms again and-

A cold, grating rasp against your ears; gnarled, white fingers appearing through the darkness- massive beyond Kylo’s retreating form. You try to shake yourself awake- _you're dreaming_ you whisper. The hands encroach upon you, an icy aura pouring from them. They curl around you, each finger as thick as your leg and each joint swollen and knotted. They force their chill inside and _squeeze._ You writhe in their grasp, unable to get your arms free as the pressure builds in your chest, fighting to to inhale. 

 

 

You jerked upright in bed. Your hands grabbed at your throat on instinct- nothing there. You panted, struggled to catch your breath and right yourself in the world. You shivered, noted that you had kicked your blankets off in your sleep. To anyone else, that might've been the source of frozen hands gripping them- But you couldn't really pretend that was all that had caused such a dream.

Perhaps you should be concerned, really. The dreams were starting to feel real now- even if they did not feel like visions. No, the few visions you’d had felt like trying to grab smoke- something strange and mystical even as you were in them. These, the ones with Kylo in particular, these felt _real._ Like you could actually touch his mind halfway across the galaxy or that your fingers had brushed for just a moment. 

 

You sighed, glanced to your chronometer- glowing bright blue into the otherwise dark room. Your dream had woken you up early it seems, but not by too much. You stretched languidly in bed before standing and half-sleepily stumbling towards the ‘fresher. You paused in front of the mirror as you began to strip off your sleep clothes.

 

The Kylo's marks on your skin were fading and changing with each cycle, every time you looked in a mirror the dark spots along your throat faded from the dark red-purple of broken blood vessels to yellow-green and finally disappearing altogether. Only a few remained truly visible- a particularly dark mark on the right side of your jaw, which you could remember Kylo biting so hard you were surprised he hadn't drawn blood. 

 

Kylo's fingerprints along your hips and thighs still lingered, healing slowly. They still stung when Xeni struck them and she did strike them, purposefully- if to drive up your pain tolerance or just because she could, you weren’t sure. But they, too, were beginning to disappear- the exact lines of his fingers dispersed into larger near-circular patches of reds and greens. You could still lay your hand over them and feel how he had held you.

 

But not all your marks were fading. New ones had blossomed beautifully across your forearms with every defensive block you managed- and some from the strikes you didn’t block. You tongued at your lips and felt the loosely healed skin over the split lip you’d gotten from her force pike three days ago. 

 

Xeni hadn’t shown any hesitation despite the blood dripping from your face- not even whisper of remorse from her response. If anything it only made her excited, more eager to continue. You had little choice but to lick your lip, grab your sword, and get back to your feet. You learned that lesson quickly.

 

You almost wanted to laugh as you turned on the shower. The realization came all at once: It’d been two weeks. Two long weeks of training and paranoid guarding of your and Kylo's secrets, and yet- it had nearly been fast. Or at the very least, exhausting. A fourth of the way to seeing Kylo again and better: today you would be leaving Enki Ren on another Star Destroyer, destined for the outer rim. 

Enki had proved to continue to be a strange creature. You saw him little and he spoke even less, only stared at you with an invisible, predatory intention. He still never opened his mind to you, not enough to get a feel for his emotional response anyway. The only thing you could tell was how carefully guarded he kept his mind and the stern, unwavering disdain he held for you and, most likely, your Master. 

 

The _Finalizer_ , however, had been reassigned: in the fall of the New Republic, the First Order was to take any planet that would bow before their banner. Set up new outposts and supply chains, strengthen their hold on the territory. And most importantly: make it profitable. With the loss of Starkiller, there was a _lot_ of ground to recover. Not really the side of business that the _Finalizer_ was equipped to deal with, but you thought, perhaps, it would be nice to be planetside again. Maybe going to some meeting and, and- mind tricking someone into a business deal that would benefit the Order.

 

You let your shower run long to make up for the extra time before you _really_ had to go. When your alarm went off in the bedroom anyway, you toweled off with little enthusiasm. You changed into a fresh training undersuit, only bothering to pull a surcoat on by habit. Xeni and Enki would be waiting for you.

 

 

 

You weren’t sure if you were more alarmed or relieved when you arrived at your training room. Instead of two large, shadowy figures waiting for you, only Xeni leaned on the far wall; Enki was nowhere to be found. Well- of course that wasn’t entirely true, if you reached towards his dark signature you could feel he was still up in the officers’ quarters, in his own room. 

 

Perhaps he was taking a sick day. Or meditating on how creepy and unnecessarily violent he was. 

 

His attempts to control your training did not stop after the first day; he lingered in the corner of the room and judged each movement you made. Without him here, perhaps you would be more relaxed and receptive to Xeni’s teaching. Instead, you wound up in situations that resulted in your split lip and the new drips of blood on the floor.

 

Her methods were different than Kylo’s- for a multitude of reasons. Your body still ached for Kylo’s training that ended you fucking on the training room floor- but Xeni’s teachings weren’t so based on success or failure. Rather, the gradual increase in skill, and as much as you hated to admit it, you’d grown in the last two weeks. Even if you were uncomfortable with Xeni, she had a knack for teaching.

 

Kylo’s training had shown you how to access the Force, to sense it around you- but Xeni was teaching you how to _use_ it, especially in a fight. And when you saw the now familiar durasteel blade waiting on a table along the far wall, you knew that would be what you were working on today. 

 

“Morning,” Xeni greeted in her odd way- her not-voice almost, but not quite, becoming normal in your exposure to her. She still hadn’t bothered to explain how or why she did it. You had several theories- but with a Knight you weren't sure what was the truth. 

 

“Good morning,” You responded and began to slide through what had become routine: removing your outer robes, stretching, and preparing your mind for the day's lesson. Xeni never removed more than her outermost layer, never showed more of her body than her head. You pulled at your shoulders and bent at the waist, hoping your spars today wouldn't be so bloody. At least not on your side.

 

“Training’ll be short today,” Xeni said, leaned against the wall and picked at something at the end of her weapon. A force pike, she’d told you, a weapon the old Imperial Guards used. You didn’t really want to ask where she got it. Considering Kylo had somehow recovered Darth Vader's mask, you couldn't really see having a weapon only thirty years out of date as being too ridiculous. Traditionally, they had an electrified, vibro-bladed head. Xeni’s pike was modified to have a slightly longer blade that curved around the pole.

 

When you asked why, she told you the original force pikes were mostly ceremonial- "-or for torture," She had responded with a far-off grin. Not real combat use-- stabbing weapons were not particularly helpful if your enemy knew you were coming. A bladed side allowed at least some use as a slashing weapon. 

 

"Is something wrong?” You picked up the blade that was becoming familiar. It was much heavier than your lightsaber would be, considering the plasma blade would be completely weightless. But you had to start with something, after all, and it wasn't as if there were training sabers stocked on an Imperial revivalist ship.

 

Xeni gave her sickening, not quite right laugh. “Hah, no, the _Hunter_ was arriving later today. Thought you might want to celebrate Enki’s cancelled departure.” Your heart dropped. Xeni tapped the end of her pike on the floor. “And I thought you might want to start considering the parts for your weapon.” 

 

“Cancelled?”

 

“Yeah. Some Resistance assholes managed to damage the _Hunter's_ life support systems, so we get to bask in his _so amicable_ glory while it’s getting repaired.” Xeni sighed- the action closest to actual speech as she comes, her breath _actually_ exhaled forcefully. The pike spun effortlessly between her gloved fingers, as though it were a pen. “I think he’s talking with the Acting-General or whoever about it. ” 

 

You frowned, but nodded. At least that explained why Enki was not here; General Torosian is probably complaining about the ridiculous and extraneous nature of Enki’s cape. You cringed, hoped Torosian wasn’t _too_ rude about anything. There’d already been two curious and _bloody_ deaths that Enki had- from what Xeni had told you- simply shrugged and said they had been _disrespectful_. Kylo had been violent, but at least actual _deaths_ had been rare.

 

At least so far he’d mostly avoided you outside of your training with Xeni. Just stared at you and made rude remarks to Xeni. You chewed on your cheek for a moment and pushed Enki away from your mind. You'd just have to deal with him later. Maybe you could commiserate with Hux. 

 

You balanced the sword for a moment, carefully curling your hands into the correct placement. You flexed your fingers around the hard hilt experimentally, rolled your shoulders. Raising the blade, You signaled for Xeni that you were ready to begin.

 

Your straightforward spars were less about weapons’ technique- and more about something else. After all, Xeni used a pike and had admitted that she'd never had a taste for lightsabers or swords in general. You would have to rely on your Master for _that_. But she did have something very valuable to teach you: with the Force, one could predict their opponent’s movements. Your slow learning of that skill was what resulted in the split lip that still stung- you licked at it instinctively. Even with Xeni’s weapon off entirely, it still hurt when you missed. 

 

Xeni stepped towards you, raised her pike so it was level with her chest. “Focus on me, not just the blade.” 

 

You nodded once and her pike fell away, back to her readied stance. Mostly likely you’d leave here with more bruises than sudden insights into the Force as you had several times before, but you had to try. And supposedly, this sort of trial-and-error was the only way to learn it. You exhaled slowly and closed your eyes, fought to feel the power deep inside you and to- reach towards Xeni and her pike. You could nearly see her in that strange not-seeing way; her purple-gray presence in front of you, a thinner line passing past her arm, her power channeling into her weapon, becoming a literal extension of herself. 

 

You opened your eyes again- and nodded. You held your weapon stiffly and waited for Xeni’s first move.

 

The Knight’s orange eyes danced across your body- checking your stance, you suspected- and stepped towards your left. You narrowed your eyes, shifted your sword in your hands- and she swiped her pike low.

 

You tried to catch her blade with yours- but your reaction was too slow; the blunted tip of her pike crashed against the side of your knee hard enough to make you crumple. Pain whined from your tendons and kneecap. You seethed, pressed hard against the aching joint. At least the damn thing was off, you reminded yourself. 

 

“Better, but not quite.” Xeni mindlessly spun her pike in her hand, the tip creating a soft little whistle as it passed. She circled around you- quiet except for the sound of her boots on the floor. With a shaking exhale, you forced yourself to stand again. Your knee protested, but you forced it to be silent.

 

This time, as soon as you nodded to continue, Xeni didn’t hesitate to pick a place to attack. Before you could slide out of the way, she struck at your shoulder; the thin point stabbing deep just below your right clavicle. You swore and stumbled away from the point, grabbing at your screaming shoulder. That one would definitely bruise.

 

Xeni hummed- a condescending smile dancing across her face, the scars on her lips deforming. Something hot and dark suddenly welled up inside you; angry with Xeni, but _furious_ with yourself for not improving. The darkness spread from your sternum out to your fingertips and you rubbed them against the hilt of your sword. You were Kylo’s apprentice, you grit your teeth, that had to _mean_ something. 

 

You exhaled hard through your nose and forced yourself to raise your sword again, despite your aching shoulder and knee’s complaints. You had to do this. Just once. Just once today, you had to block her. You grit your teeth and nodded again.

 

Xeni gave you a slight pause- something playful and lilting from her emotional response. Surely she felt your frustration now- she was not kind and seeing you weak only made her want to knock you down more. Her grin returned- she struck. 

and you stepped back. Just out of range, letting the end of her pike whistle through the air as she swung. The blow that had been meant for your side, met nothing- you hadn’t even felt the blade snag on your shirt. You blinked in shock, just barely having enough time to consider that you had managed to evade for the first time today before Xeni was trying again.

 

This time, the front edge of her pike was aimed for your hip- you swiveled, danced off to her right. Before you could even think of striking, her pike was back in both hands.

 

But then: you saw it coming. Different from the others, not just the dark, determined strings pulling your body to evade as needed. No, you _felt_ it. How Xeni’s arms were moving, felt where her blade was and where it would be. You could _see_ it. Your arms moved without thinking, your blade swinging up and to the left- a sharp _clack_ of your sword meeting the blunted head of her pike, and blocked the strike meant for your arm.

 

You blinked at the meeting point of your weapons, acutely aware that in a real fight Xeni could overpower you on physical force alone. And yet- you met Xeni’s eyes, stared at her and dared her to question this.

 

A soft sheen of sweat beaded on Xeni’s gray forehead; her speechless, scarred lips open and panting. Her own manic grin had faded away though, you think, you had one now. The sound of her breath was odd coming from her otherwise silent mouth- the only noise in the room was of your combined breathing. She gave you a moment’s pause, the slightest hint of an approving smile pulling at one corner of her mouth- before she withdrew her pike and started again.

 

This time, she skirted off to the side, out of range of your sword's blade and stabbed towards you with the length of hers. You _felt_ this action, too. 

 

Her pike came directly at you this time, level and aimed for your chest. You swung your heavy steel sword and caught the shaft of her weapon, behind the head- and you kept swinging, following through with the motion- and pushing the attack away from you. With her unfaltering grip on her weapon Xeni _nearly_ stumbled, nearly fell with her pike as you pushed it away. 

 

Excited adrenaline raced through your veins- the first time you had been in control of any fight with your Master. You couldn’t waste it. 

 

And you- you felt the pull of the Force through your arms. Something dark and winding through your muscles- and you let it guide you. As Xeni moved with your initial strike, you stopped and _reversed_ the direction- letting go of her weapon and nearly level with her exposed neck.

 

For the tiny tug of power that lead you to redirect your weapon- both in blocking her and attacking, it was nothing compared to the sudden flood of Xeni’s influence. She stopped your blade a foot short of cutting through her black-throated robes. Her power was overwhelming, cold and chilling as it traveled up from your blade and froze your arm in place. You thought of the freezing hands and shuddered, tightened your grip on the hilt of your sword. 

 

You fought to pull away from Xeni's chosen position on instinct- and were just as shocked that you were partially successful. Your arms jerked towards yourself an inch, briefly unraveled from Xeni’s Force-grip. That in itself was near unbelievable. You’d never gotten much power over Kylo’s holds. 

 

Xeni stepped out your blade's range and released your arm, which dropped heavily. You rubbed at your sore shoulder. She nodded and, slowly, and lowered her pike. The corner of her lips twitched up- just for a moment. “Good.” Approval. Or, the closest thing to it that you had never received from her otherwise quite aloof persona. You couldn’t help the swelling of pride in your chest, really. 

 

“Now, the Master’s more suited to help with this, but let’s talk about your weapon.” Xeni said, wiping away the sweat from her dark brow- circling around towards her robes. She pushed her dark clothes aside to dig out an object, her voice not shifting with the distance. “They’re a pretty rare choice- especially ‘cause they were outlawed under the Empire. The crystals that power them are the real bitch to get, everything else can be made or bought or modified.” 

 

You nodded- thinking about it already. You knew well enough that crystals had to be grown or synthesized. You hadn’t actually thought to ask where Kylo had gotten his saber’s crystal and if that would be the easiest method. Xeni turned back towards you-- and carried an old _book_ with her. She offered it to you- and you very carefully took it from her. You hoped your mouth wasn’t hanging open too obscenely. The bindings were in rough shape, but it seemed solid enough despite being ancient technology. 

 

“There’s old writing in there about how to make sure it doesn’t blow up immediately. How to test it safely and whatnot.” Your gaze flicked back up to Xeni’s as she winked, her orange eyes twinkling playfully. “Obviously Kylo skipped that section, but you might want it.”

 

You shifted the book and examined it in awe, so beyond confused on why it existed at all. “What _is_ it?”

 

Xeni shrugged, “The old Jedi Order stifled anyone who thought of the Force in a different way. The Empire wasn’t any kinder, even if it wasn’t as long-lived. Data files can be traced so,” She motioned vaguely towards the book in your hands. “They figured out another way to share information.”

 

You eased open the hard cover. There was no title or author listed- the first page in carefully printed Baa’ri and you nearly _laughed_ \- the words sliding easily through your memory despite the weeks without proper use. Before you was some rogue’s guide to the totality of the Force. And as you stroked your fingers along the front page, following one line to the next- you felt… connected. Empowered by something- and beyond that, you could almost feel Kylo in the pages of this book. Could almost _see_ him: younger, his hair tied back and showing his large ears, pouring over the very same book. 

 

"Anyway, read over the part about lightsabers." Xeni didn’t wait a moment longer, already replacing her helmet- from behind you had an excellent view as the edge of her helmet closed around the protrusions of her lekku to seal against her neck. She pulled her robes over her shoulders and made some vague hand gesture as she left. 

 

You blinked and looked down at the book in your hand. It all felt so surreal. Stars! You hadn’t even had any clue that a book like this existed- how many had been printed? Even if Enki was to stay a while longer, this made you feel so giddy you wanted to skip back to your quarters. You didn’t, of course, but you did walk leisurely, taking your time to wander back to Kylo’s room- occasionally stroking over the roughened edge of the book’s spine. 

 

This would give you such an excellent place to start. Maybe even a location of a crystal mine, if you were lucky. Engineering of plasma-based weaponry wasn't exactly your specialty- but all of the Jedi and Sith before you had managed to learn. It couldn't be _too_ difficult, then. 

As the lift brought you back to your floor, you could already sense them: Xeni and Enki were both already here, likely in their own quarters. Enki’s meeting with the General must’ve already ended (you hoped Torosian was alright- perhaps you’d seek him out later to be sure). Hux’s door, however, was closed and you couldn’t not feel him inside his room- only Millicent who was curled up on Hux's bed, purring softly. 

You had expected that at least; Snoke’s punishment was astoundingly merciful compared to Hux’s expected execution. Hux was technically demoted while Brigadier General Torosian took control of the ship. Hux was meanwhile reassigned to plan to recover from the losses at Starkiller, namely designing and planning for the new base. Mostly it left him in his office for even more ridiculously long hours than before, returning to his quarters only to feed Millicent and get his nightly three hours of sleep.

 

You weren’t entirely sure what to make of that, honestly. Hux had a relative slap on the wrist next to- you swallowed, your good mood quieting. What little you knew of Kylo’s training was unpleasant at best. 

 

You shook your head and pushed the thought from your mind. You had a book to study- something that made you feel close to him somehow. You needed to work with that- one of the few good things you'd had in the last two weeks. You rubbed at the worn spine again and entered the passcode to Kylo’s quarters. 

 

You realized something wasn’t quite right before the bulkhead even hissed open. Your adrenaline spiking, senses sharpening in the danger. The door opened to an empty room, the sitting area undisturbed- but you could feel him. Enki’s dark, jagged signature was not down the hallway in his quarters: 

 

he was in _yours_. 

 

You willed your shielding up, a wary anger building your shields' strength as you carefully stepped into your rooms. Your arms curled tighter around the book as though it, too, were a shield. After all, you had no other weapon on you- and in truth, you didn’t know what Enki used to fight with. You chewed on your lip, tried to recall you training- keeping your weight carefully balanced as you eased through the space. 

 

You peered through the doorway to your bedroom- and you saw him. His large bulk standing at the doorframe to Kylo’s sanctuary- the door wide open. Just standing there, staring, probably as shocked. Your breath caught in your throat- and Enki’s skull mask whipped towards you. 

 

Your rage poured through you- braced you just enough to watch his gloved hand rise. His murky blue power rocketed towards your mind. You dropped the book and held your hands up- focused.

 

You caught him head-on, the spearhead of your anger diverting him away, even if you felt like you'd been pushed back several feet. You wanted to rejoice even as he tried again. Enki’s probing wasn’t as skilled as Kylo, did not have the delicate control Kylo wielded- Enki’s power was savage, untamed entirely, like swinging a hammer. And yet- quick, hard to catch as he slammed against your shielding. Even when you did seem to grab at him to grapple him away from your mind- he slipped through your figurative fingers like a fish. 

 

You met each of his blows to your shields and buffered them back- each of Enki’s attempting a fierce pounding against your weakening shields. But you were not as strong as Enki or Kylo or any of the other Knights. You didn’t have their level of endurance needed- whatever power they so naturally accessed was so much lesser for you and already your reserves were emptying. A thick headache slid through your mind followed quickly by a suffocating lightheadedness- you couldn’t keep this up. 

 

You heard rather than felt your knees hit the floor, heavy dual _thumps_ on the floor, then that, too, was replaced with the hot rush of blood in your ears as you focused. You body felt far away and cold- and then Enki pounded again on your shields. You couldn't help it. They shattered and you felt the shards piercing through your temples, your headache expanding quickly. 

 

Again you tried to grab Enki’s Force tendril and repel him- but you had so little energy you could barely keep up with what he was sifting through. He skimmed through your training with Kylo, then everything he could find about Kylo- and yet already too aware of the large blocks missing from the full narrative. That you were _hiding_ something.

 

Frustration overtook his emotional response- so obvious now with the link between your minds, as through he were sneering behind his mask. No, he _was_! You could feel his thick lips pulled back in disgust. You tried to focus on that: try get anything you could from his response.

 

Enki rifled through your mind- seeking that which you had hidden with an unplanned savagery: rooting through completely random associations- jumping from one idea to the next with reckless abandon. His frustration grew with each new dead end, but it only drove him to look harder and deeper. 

 

And then he caught something: a memory of your job on your previous Star Destroyer a lifetime ago- just enough to spark a connection in your mind. Something innocently translated had Enki ripping through your knowledge of Quarren, of phrases and topics and-

 

And there, beyond the Quarren phrase for a binary star system _rosh sopslilii_ , was your relationship with Kylo. Your cheeks heated, burned as Enki surveyed through the memories you had hidden away- almost every sexual act and intimate moment. His emotional response unmoved by your romantic attachment, if slightly amused at your bedroom antics. Yet, it remained: the trace of distaste at the back of his mind, reserved so perfectly for you. Then came the arrogance, the cocky grin behind his mask- this tilting of his mask. 

 

Enki disengaged from your mind and you leaned on the heels of your palms, tried to catch your breath. You could feel it radiating off him now, his response no longer locked away from you- gloating through the Force. You built your shock and rage up, tried to keep your thoughts empty- because Enki had only found _one_ set of hidden memories. Not the arguably more vital ones- those concerning Kylo’s injuries after Starkiller.

 

Enki didn’t move, only watched you on the ground for a long moment. You lifted your head, found the power to control your breathing- and stared into the empty black visor eye holes of his mask. You sneered at him, wanted to put up more of a fight than a foul look- but you had nothing left. And yet, Enki’s hands raised- and hit the releases to his mask. 

 

You weren't quite sure what you were looking at, at first. Enki’s skin was a deep blue, mottled and dotted with a palette of lighter and darker blues and purples, mixed to swirl delicately over his face- marked further with tiny white pinpricks that looked almost like stars against his skin. Three half-grown protrusions arched away from his face at the forehead and cheeks- if he’d been fullblood Quarren they’d have developed into the triangular head that had earned the race their slur- _squidheads_. But Enki’s only served to make his face look odd and inhuman. 

 

But at the center of his odd, clearly hybridized face- his eyes. Large like a Quarren’s, but deadly sharp; piercing like a harpoon. The same color of electric blue as the text on a data pad- and just as bright, nearly glowing on his face. 

 

He held the mask aside as you realized what you were looking at- “Quarren.” Or at least partially so. You panted, almost laughed. “That’s why you looked there…?”

 

“Yes.” He spoke evenly, a forcefulness in his voice that echoed his believed superiority. It was deeper than you had expected and nearly melodic, almost calming beyond the chilling nature that it came from Enki Ren. “You must know, I admire power. More than you will ever understand. My people are not usually given Force Sensitivity. It is so rare that for a time I was worshiped as a god among my people. Even among other Force users…” He paused, glanced over your weak form still glaring at him from the floor. A smile pulled his lips apart- and sharp, knife-like teeth peaked from his blue lips. A predator's weapon. “Well. I am very powerful." His face sobered, "But not as powerful as Kylo Ren.” 

 

You sneered, “So you’re looking to beat him?”

 

“I admired him.” Enki shook his head. You blinked at him, forced yourself to sit back on your heels. He continued, “But being mated with _you_ serves only to weaken him, no matter what visions he thinks he has had. I do not understand his decision. And if his power and leadership become unstable, I _will_ seize it.” 

 

His insult rekindled what fight you still had. You gathered what power you still held and insisted: “Never gonna happen,” 

 

Enki grinned, his monstrous teeth sparkling again. “Yes. It will.” With that he replaced his helmet and walked past you- not bothering to give you another glance. 

 

You sat on the floor panting for a time, the sense of peace and interest dropped with the book on the floor, left only with a unshakable sense that something bad was coming and there was _nothing_ you could do. Eventually you did get up and laboriously picked up the fallen tome, which seemed thankfully unscathed. You placed it on the small nightstand and turned back to the opened door. You put a hand up to the lock- and briefly looked towards the half-melted remains of Darth Vader's mask. In a way, it looked like Enki's mask.

 

You shuddered just looking at the thing- and closed the door, locking it away. You supposed it was good that at least Enki hadn’t defaced _that_ in some way. You couldn’t imagine Kylo’s devastation or rage. Perhaps that's why Enki didn't do more damage- to you _or_ Kylo's belongings. 

 

You sighed long and slow, crossing back to your bed. You didn’t bother shedding any of your many layers besides kicking off your boots and letting them drop lifelessly to the floor. The book sat on the nightstand, almost calling you to touch it- but your pounding headache and building unease at Enki’s declaration left you with little hope of being able to concentrate. 

 

Instead you commanded the lights off and buried your face in your pillows.

 

He called to you from across the galaxy. Perhaps not even knowing that he did- but his voice, low and rumbling and so warm and familiar, whispered to you. His power like a beacon beyond the stars- drawing you to him, caught in his gravity. 

 

This time- this time there was no voice to stop you, to icy claws to wake you before your alarm- and you reached him, felt his warmth- pressed into his mind.

 

It’s cold where you wake up- that’s the first thing you feel. The cold and the dampness. Then hear the odd whistle of wind, the only noise. Then it’s the tunnel you’re walking through. It doesn’t seem to be built, no- more carved through a mountain, and old. You realize quite quickly that you're dreaming- you're in Kylo's dream. You don't recognize this place, some hidden temple somewhere that had been lost to the ages. You wonder if Kylo had been here- or if he is here now. 

 

Every so often there’s a set of doors, also made of stone with intricate carvings- but you can’t figure out how to open them. You walk on- seemingly lost. You can't even seem to find Kylo- not by noise or his presence in the Force. You wander aimlessly through the decrepit temple until- you _do_ feel him in the Force and where he is. You swallow thickly and begin sprinting towards him, ducking through hallways without even looking. 

 

Your heart beats quickly in exhilaration- you can feel him in one of the adjacent rooms. He's so close, you'll be able to see him again, _hold him_ again. You reach for his door- And he’s _screaming._ You can't breathe. You grab at the door madly, try to dig your nails into the unfeeling stone- and it slides away, into the wall. 

 

Your heart skips a beat, just seeing him like this. Kylo stands only a few feet from you in the center of the room. He’s sweating and covered in blood- his loose training clothes are torn and shredded, singed around the edges- with a lightsaber you suspected. His own saber buzzing loudly in his right hand, no synthskin covering his metal plating. The whole arm is uncovered, the shining metal, too, smeared with blood. 

 

A shadow- not even a fully formed figure sprints at him from a corner. Kylo roars, primal and wordless- spinning his blade with ease. He doesn’t even hesitate, the plasma cutting through the wavering dark figure’s abdomen- and it fades away entirely. Another appears and Kylo turns away from you, taking on this apparition too. You watch the muscles in his neck and back flex with each shaking breath he draws. 

 

His panting is all you can hear and it fills your ears- the ragged breathing of a man who’s had no rest, no water. Your heart swells in your chest, how long has he been at this? Just torturing himself in his dream- and he inhales, and screams: _“Who else!”_

 

You can’t help yourself; you step forward- extend a hand slowly towards him, you only want to help. Your voice so soft, “Kylo?”

 

He whips towards you- his hair flying around his face in dark, sweaty clumps. You can see it now: his eyes are rabid, sightless. Only seeing the next target, the next thing to destroy. You gasp, "Kylo, wait-." But he's lost in his own- bloodlust? Anger?- Tiny pinprick pupils that seemed to burn just as hot as his lightsaber- and he lifts it over his head. He charges towards you-

 

You have nothing to defend yourself with- not that you could fight Kylo anyway. You can hardly bring yourself to move- just- “Kylo, it’s me!”

 

Kylo's chest heaves as he nears you, but there's something different in his posture. His arm stills, then lowers as he pants and stares at you- blinks several times as his eyes become that deep and soft brown. He drops his saber, which fizzles out before it even hits the ground, and staggers the remaining distance towards you. His feet drag and he looks like he'd fall over if it wasn't for his own determination to get to you. His hands lift and clasp the sides of your face, holding you still as he stares at you, his eyes wide in disbelief. 

 

Your eyes tear up just at the feeling- his hands- one warm, rough, and calloused, the other cool and smooth- curling around your cheeks. You grab his wrists and lean into his touch. You smile so wide it feels like your cheeks are splitting- but you can _feel_ him and he can feel you in turn. A single over-excited tear escapes between blinks, swiped away by Kylo's smooth right thumb. 

 

It’s odd, being in his dream, his mind- his emotional response is all around you. Despite that, it feels so far away- shattered and distant. You can slowly piece it together. His shock, namely- 

 

“You’re real.” His voice is scratchy from his own screaming, but you sigh for it nonetheless. You smile and nod against his hands. 

 

All at once he wraps his long arms around you, pulls you in so tight you struggle to breathe against him. You try to ignore the panicked need in his response, focus on the feeling of his right hand slipping under your shirt. His hands grab greedily at your body- desperate to feel every inch of you again, to make sure it’s _you_. You return his embrace- just as eager to have him touch you again-

 

And his _lips-_ he tilts your head back so he can kiss you, his plush lips are painfully chapped but when he kisses you- stars, just how you remembered it- it hardly matters. Only a moment later, his lips part and his tongue is sliding into your mouth and tasting you. You whimpered into his mouth, met his tongue with needy licks of your own. 

 

He drags you down to the floor easily, rolling you onto your back and pushing your clothes away blindly. You kick your pants free- and Kylo takes a moment to stare longingly down at your body. Before you could think to question it, sis mouth and hands descended again- tracing over the lines and curves of your body with a heavy reverence. He retraces his lips moving- whispers, “You’re real, you’re real-”

 

You can't think of anything to say to that- can't think of any explanation as to why he'd think you _weren't_. You swallow thickly and hope your voice is even as you try to reassure him, "I'm real, Kylo. I'm here." You tug off the remnants of his training garb and set to the same task of touching across his body- mapping the new scars of his wounds. Immediately you see them: there's a fresh, alarming set of wounds and bruises across his abdomen. A line of lacerations down his arms. Your heart aches in your chest and you draw Kylo down to you, completely flush with your body.

 

He barely has to shift his hips and his cock slides into you, easy and smooth. Your breath catches and you sigh against him, feel him shudder in appreciation. You bury one hand in his thick hair, the other curling around him, keeping him pressed against you. You wrap your legs around Kylo's thighs, feel the muscles move with his slow, even strokes. Kylo’s arms circle under you, drawing you up against his thrusting, and you give the first whining moan. Kylo hums, his mouth constantly kissing across your face and shoulders, his lips catching to suckle at the tender flesh just below your ear. 

 

You breathe in the scent of his hair, his sweat and it suddenly feels so _real_. You sob and fight to press his body even closer, to have him merge near entirely with you- to never be able to leave you again. You whisper to him, “I love you, I love you- Kylo,” and kiss at his temple desperately. You rock back against his hips, but the pleasure is completely extraneous to your embrace. Distracting, almost. You just want to feel him- to tell him you're okay.

 

“I miss you,” He gasps against your skin,”I l-love you,” buries himself further inside you, nudging at your cervix. He moans, something strangled and needy- and presses his face against your neck. Hot liquid drips and rolls off your shoulder and it's enough to make your own tears come pouring. He voice is too muffled to hear what he says, his lips brushing the skin of your shoulder over and over, an endless stream of confessions and praise falling from him in desperate bursts. Here, in his own dream- you can feel the heaviness of his mind. He's _miserable_ , dragging himself through each day by pure will alone. 

 

You wrap your arms around him and try to say the same- how awful it’s been without him, how you miss him every day, that you’d do anything to be by his side. Why can’t you just be with him? A sharp thrust pushes the air from your lungs, his arms curling tight around your middle, squeezing hard on your ribs. His head shakes against your throat, his voice managing a mangled, "Don't say that." 

 

You choke on a sob and grab at his body, winding yourself around him as tightly as he holds you. His hair is soft, still so long and dark as you press your face against it- try to breathe in his scent again from across the galaxy. His pace picks up, builds into something respectable- and you can no longer try to ignore the wet heat building inside you. 

 

The cold stone beneath you fades away, the cursed training hall transforming into blackness- then dotted with stars and far away constellations. You think, oddly, that space should be cold, that you shouldn’t be able to breathe and yet- it’s soothing. The nothingness. There’s no hard, uneven edges biting into your back or overheated sheets making you sweat. There's no humming of a ship's engines. There’s nothing at all except for the feeling of Kylo on top of you, around you, _inside_ you. The slick feel of his skin catching on yours and his hot breath on your neck. 

 

The tears return and you squeeze your eyes closed, your mouth working around errant sobs, “I love you. I love you, please I- I love you so much, please come back,” You pull him impossibly tighter- will your very atoms to merge, to never let you be apart again. 

 

Kylo shifts up and kisses you, only silences your pleas- his lips now soft and plush, no longer chapped and dry- just how you remembered them. His tears drip off his cheeks and onto yours, mingling and rolling away. You want to kiss him deeper, to taste him again- but your shared sobs keep your kisses brief and shallow. His hand finds one of your thighs and pulls it higher around his waist, wills you to hold it there. He changes angles to strike at the tender spot along your front wall, tells you so flatly, "I have to go."

 

Your breath stutters. You found him, finally, _impossibly_ across the galaxy in a dream- and yet you are going to lose him again. It was only a dream- you couldn’t stay with him forever. Not even here. You rock up to meet his uneven thrusts, drawing physical pleasure even as you felt so miserable, agonized. Kylo was suffering- and this, _this,_ a shared wet dream was all you could offer.

 

You feel the tremble in his chest as he moans, drops his forehead to yours. You press into the physical pleasure- tried to whisper it back to him through your connection. Kylo shudders, sighs hotly against your cheek- and moves faster. His eyes are half-lidded and tired, nearly despondent as a whisper of the Force settles over your clit. You whimper softly and it strokes in time with his thrusts and he stares at you. Watches each sob makes you tremble, each twitch of pleasure.

 

It takes so little to draw you over that edge. It's not a strong orgasm, too frayed with your anguish. Just enough for you sob once and clench hard around Kylo’s cock and squeeze your eyes closed. You try to tell him without words again. You give him everything you have left. The warmth and comfort you can offer, the aching sympathy and the _need_ for him to return to you. All your devotations and promises to be strong, as if those could help him. 

 

You felt his orgasm; the warmth passing through him, the little stutters in his hips- how his lips trembled against yours. You caught his face and he mirrored you, kept your faces pressed close- your noses slotting beside each other, his prodding into your cheek. His eyes were so- _hopeless_. Resigned to it all. You whispered against his lips until you faded away- _I love you, I love you, I love you--_

 

 

 

You blinked slowly back into consciousness. Your loss was fresh and raw again- the empty space in your mind where Kylo's presence should be. You sighed, rubbing your thighs together- your pussy still warm and wet- clit stiff between your folds. Somewhere in the galaxy Kylo would be waking up to soiled sheets as well. There was something about knowing his cock was probably still tingling that made your chest swell with happiness. Knowing his mental state, of course, was not as joyous. 

 

It had been one thing to pursue the gentle brushes along that border of his mind that was so often just out of reach before you woke, but to be able to _touch each other_. Being able to touch him- or at least have a sensation that was just as saturated and bright as reality- that was more than enough. And if he felt the same way- that your touch had brought him any catharsis at all, then you’d sleep all day just to grace the edges of his mind. 

 

But you couldn’t do that. You had training. And so did he. 

 

You sat up, gasped at the still lingering sensitivity, the little aftershocks from your orgasm shooting up your spine. You stretched while the feelings subsided, before grabbing your datapad.

 

You glanced around you quarters- lingering along the wrinkled dark pile of clothing. With the phantom sensation of Kylo’s hand stroking your shoulders, you called a service droid. You couldn’t keep lingering like this- you had to be strong. At night- at night you could cling to your pillow and hope you reached him again. Hope to be able to help him- 

Your own protective need flared in your chest, made your fingers twitch, the Force twisting between them in waiting. You thought, perhaps, Kylo would never need your protection- not like you needed his. But you wanted to. You wanted to think that if you were powerful enough, you could take him away from Snoke. Give him what would truly make him happy. You could help him heal. 

 

You exhaled slowly, felt the static in your mouth. A cold resolve settled in your stomach. You might never be as strong as Kylo or Snoke or even just Enki- but your desire _for_ Kylo, your desire to see him safe and well again- would make you stronger. Enki already knew of your relationship and you suspected Xeni knew from her own intuition. You had no reason not to let it fuel you, let it spark your powers and guide you. 

 

Next to you, the book began to hum. You glanced to it- and again had the image of Kylo, young and entranced by this illegal tome. Yes, that was where you would start.


	3. Arrival [Explicit]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo returns to you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *shows up 5 months late with Starbucks*
> 
> Special thanks to RomanticMisadventures for Betaing!

Weeks. Weeks of long, tireless waiting and finally, finally the world slid back into proper view. Your eyes opened slowly, but elation was already sparking through your veins, making you feel light and anxious. Even now, with the whispers of hundreds of minds around you, still muted, muffled, unclear in your sleepy state, a beacon called to you through the clouded Force-web of internal voices around you.

Bright- so vibrant and saturated- and _yet-_

Your stomach flipped uneasily- caught between knowingly naive hope and the sudden constriction of your heart. You can’t help but shiver- because he’s so _dark._ Darker than you can ever recall him feeling- darker than Enki’s signature, still swirling and writhing blue only a few rooms away from you. 

But he was on his way back. He was within reach, finally- close enough to touch with you mind, if only so briefly, so faintly. You couldn’t think about the state of his mind just yet- there was too much to do. If you lost your composure now you’d never be in one piece by the time Kylo’s ship finally docked. 

You reached for your data pad on the nightstand- immediately turning off your alarm. Already in your inbox- a message from acting General Torosian. You roll over and open the message.

Torosian’s smooth voice filled the quiet room- somehow this felt invasive. The room had been deathly silent since your scuffle with the Knight Enki. You thumbed down the volume on the message and restarted it, ignored how odd it felt. 

“Kylo Ren’s ship will be docking at 3:20 Standard. He has given orders you are not to leave your room.” Formal though it was, you could still feel a lingering distaste in his words, his voice. It felt odd, using it again- that same sense that had propelled you to your success. You had not discussed linguistics with Xeni Ren, nor your assumed gift of pulling meaning and intent from words- latent in the language itself. 

But more concerning was the content; Kylo had ordered you not to leave. Why? Your brow ached as your eyebrows pinched together in concern. Worry rose up in you- about what he would see in you now, after each of your trainings. Perhaps- he would not desire you any more, the need for affection burned right out of his frayed soul. He could- 

your mind stuttered, the breath catching in your chest at the dream, the memory of how _real_ it had felt- 

he could _kill_ you. Your teeth caught your lip and you stared at the message from Torosian blankly. The question burned at you, _why?_ Why order you away? Why have that come through official channels, rather than just… telling you. 

You reached for his mind once more- stretching far and thin across the emptiness of space. A dull throb began in your right temple, but you ignored it. You should’ve felt the semblance of his mood at this distance- just the slightest draft of a feeling. Calm? Upset? Happy? Instead-

Radio silence. You brushed against his signature- dark and heavy and _thick_ in your mind, achromatic. Felt nothing but the perfect void of his shielding, guarded, keeping your gentle touches away from his mind. He could surely feel you- and know it was you, couldn’t he? 

You had learned to distinguish Xeni and Enki’s probings- not just by technique, but by the _feeling_. Didn’t he know it was you? Even just a quick _not now_ would be something, _anything--_ just to hear his voice in your head again.

The screen of your datapad slowly dimmed and finally shutting off automatically long before you could move. 

You swallowed steadily and forced your eyes closed, counted quietly. There was nothing you could do now. Kylo wanted you to stay here, and- he’d done nothing yet to imply there was any truth to that nightmare. Just one of a thousand possibilities of your future, you reassured yourself. You thought of your training with the Knights, the lingering plans for your lightsaber. The dark, thick robes- built for battle and fighting, not just ceremony. 

Your destiny was a planet with red grass and Kylo by your side. You would put down a revolution together, uphold the new regime. The tension in your shoulders eased, the warmth of burning wreckage suddenly calming as you thought of Kylo’s skin on yours- and his stuttered, broken confession of love. 

_Nobody can take you from me,_ he’d promised. 

With little else to do, you laid down again.

 

 

He’s here. Your heart was hammering against your ribs before you were even truly awake. No longer light years away- no, only a few floors below you- his presence thick and overwhelming in your mind. Xeni and Enki Ren were near him, and by their emotional responses they were about as displeased as you had expected. 

But that hardly mattered- because he was coming to you. You could feel it- he stepped into a lift and began rising through the floors, so nearby. You held your breath- counted the seconds as he stepped onto your deck, walked the hallway. 

You wanted to rise, to meet him at the door- but your nerves held you down. Even as you felt your passion, the _darkness_ inside you, try to pull you to your feet- you couldn’t bring yourself to stand. You could feel each footstep echoing in your mind- and your heard the lock on his door click, the metal sliding away in the other room.

Only then could you stand. Your nervous energy sending you bouncing to your feet- to meet him in the doorway between the sitting room and his bedroom. You rounded the corner- and your breath caught in your throat. 

He fills the room. Tall and broad, just as you remembered. His mask had been new when you’d last seen him- but even from across the room you can see a new scar across the chromium lines across his right cheek. You swallowed thickly- and step towards him. 

You foot barely leaves the ground- before you’re thrown back across the room. Your back slammed against the wall and knocked the air from your chest. Across from you, Kylo stalked into your bedroom, one gloved hand reaching out for you. Your heart thudded heavily against your ribcage as you struggled to draw in a breath- a sudden tightness curling around your throat. 

_Kylo?_ You whispered against his mind’s shielding. The blank mask tilted to the side as though considering you. A long moment passed, just staring at your own reflection in his visor, pleading quietly through the Force. All you wanted was to hold him, to _see_ him-

Kylo hands raised to his mask, leaving you still pinned to the wall. His thumbs clicked the release- the snout of the mask moving out, hissing and releasing its pressure. For as little air as you could pull into your lungs, your breath caught as he lifted the black helmet away, dropping it blindly onto the floor. 

The horrible slash across his face had healed nicely, considering what he must have been doing for his weeks away-- no longer angry and pink, but beginning to fade back into the natural paleness of his skin. The skin over his jaw and cheek rippling with scar tissue from his burn, still semi-shining with its freshness. His hair is longer, hanging just past his shoulders- still thick and dark and glossy.

But that wasn’t what concerned you, what made your fingers begin to tremble. It was his eyes: burning, determined, and nightmarishly unfamiliar. No longer warm and brown- but a shocking, acidic yellow. 

And with that, he was on you. Hot and large over you, mercilessly attacking your lips with tongue and teeth- not waiting for your permission before forcing his tongue into your mouth. He tasted the same, you realized- and you were melting into his touch. 

Kylo wasted no time in nearly ripping your pants as he shoved them down your thighs and sliding his gloved hand between your legs. You bucked against his fingers, moaning into his kiss. It had been six weeks without Kylo’s touch- you’d been so busy and stressed you had barely paid attention to your body’s own needs. So long without attention left your body sensitive and shivering.

Though you couldn’t reach Kylo’s mind yet, from his impatience- he was already unclipping his belt and pushing his robes aside to free his cock (hard and beautifully flushed red with need)- you suspected the same for him. He lifted you and without a moment’s hesitation, dropped you onto his dick. 

You arched your back, threw your head back as your cunt clenched and spasmed around the sudden intrusion. Your body was suddenly freed from its invisible confinement- and you grabbed at the ruffled arms of Kylo’s undersuit, digging your nails into the fabric- unable to ignore how hard and unforgiving Kylo’s right arm was. 

You moved to lean forward, to catch his lips again- and something cold and cylindrical pressed against your chin. You swallowed against it, felt your brow furrow in confusion. The thing slipped sideways- the top of the thing digging into the back edge of your jaw while something thinner, perpendicular to the top caught against your fluttery artery. 

You fought to tip your head down enough to see what it was-- you froze in terror. Your voice hoarse, cracking as you whimpered, “Kylo?” 

Your fingers shook, curled harder into his robes- and Kylo grinned. The corners of his mouth raising slowly, revealing his crooked teeth in a gleeful, sadistic smile. He leaned in and kissed your neck, sucking and biting to leave new marks as he had before- right beside the crossbar of his lightsaber. 

Kylo rolled his hips- slowly at first, as he hissed against your skin. You clenched around him, pinching your eyes closed at the feeling of him moving inside you. Hot tears of genuine fear pricked at your eyes. _Why-_ your mind fought to whisper to him. Was it part of his training, as you had feared- that you were a threat to his progress? 

It only took a few hesitant, shaking strokes before the first shock of sensation wore off- and he found his rhythm. Thrusting hard against you, keeping you pinned against the wall. 

Reflexively, you wrapped your legs around his hips, spreading yourself wider for him- moaning helplessly. You could feel how your voice rumbled against the cold metal of his saber, the light pressure on your neck making your head feel light and fuzzy. You grabbed at Kylo’s forearm weakly, rubbing your thumb along the seam of his undersuit. 

Your tongue felt thick and heavy in your mouth. You hardly recognized your own voice as you begged, “Kylo, please…” 

He pushed your head back, your skull colliding with the durasteel wall again as he jammed the ignition end of his saber harder into your flesh. The tears that had burned your eyes finally began to roll over your cheeks. The first shuddering beginning of a sob catching in your chest made Kylo groan, nuzzle against your neck. 

The hand that had been supporting your weight left your hip- replaced quickly with dark, swirling extensions of Kylo’s mind. Instead, he roughly caught your clit, pinching it between his thumb and forefinger. You yelped, tightened reflexively at the pleasure that edged into pain. He wasn’t kind as he rolled the sensitive nub, making you thrash in his arms. 

“You’ve been waiting for this for so long, haven’t you?” He cooed- the first thing he’d even spoken. His voice rough and low, nearly inaudible over the slick sounds of his cock pumping into you. 

You whimpered at him, too hesitant about his saber to open your mouth. Only able to revel in the uneasy tension in your stomach and the hot, building pleasure in your pussy. 

“I can feel it,” He whispered, panting against your neck. “Waited so _long--_ ” he broke off into a groan, the familiar sound nearly making you cum immediately. Kylo almost laughed, breathy and lost in his own pleasure, “Come on, cum for me…” 

His deft fingers twisted at your clit, stroked it in time with his thrusts- and despite the fear, the horror caught in your chest- you were gasping, shaking on Kylo’s cock- moaning as his fingers kept working you through your crest, making your legs tremble as you threw your head back again. 

Kylo’s panting shifted into low growls, his jaw locked closed as he fucked you- losing any sense of control as his hips repeatedly slammed against yours, the tip of his cock bouncing off your tender cervix. His orgasm rolled through his body, made his curl over you- made him sink his teeth into your thankfully clothed shoulder just to muffle the long, deep groan he couldn’t help but make. 

His hips stuttered for a moment, before he was pulling out of you. Limply, he dropped his right arm, fluidly clipping his saber back onto his robes. The Force hold he had on your body slowly loosened, letting your slide back onto your feet- leaving Kylo still pressed against you, towering over you as he panted and recovered. 

Shaking, you wrapped your hands in the front of his robes, tried to steady yourself. You realized you were still crying, even with Kylo’s saber gone from your neck. The foreignness of his presence still held you off-balance, making you want to collapse into his arms and sob. Slowly you made yourself look at him, to see his eyes- no longer burning, but simmering- the overwhelming passion he had held now abated. The near neon yellow that had colored his irises faded into a paler, darker citrine, closer to how you remembered them.

Your mouth was dry, your voice still quiet. Your eyes flicked to the weapon now hanging in its usual spot. “W-why…?”

Kylo tilted his head, stared at you- though you still couldn’t read his emotional response, he almost looked hurt. His right hand cupped your cheek- and even as scared and confused as you were, you couldn’t help but to lean into his touch. With his left, he reached into his robes and withdrew something. 

He held it up for you- and you blinked slowly trying to force the puzzle pieces together. It was small and crimson, nearly glowing against the black synthleather of his gloves. A massive crack split its face, leaving arcs of energy to jump over the gap. You stared at it- the realization slow to crawl into your mind.

You could barely whisper, “You took the crystal out.”

His shielding dropped. 

His presence flooded the room, surging into your mind- the saturation of his thoughts almost blinding, drowning you under his weight. The corner of your mind he had once resided in lit up, all too happy to realign with Kylo’s, linking together just as strongly as before. You did sob then, your knees nearly collapsing as you fell into Kylo’s chest. His thick, strong arms wrapped around you tightly, holding you up as you cried into his robes.

“I needed to know if you still trusted me.” He murmured against your hair. Some rational corner of you wanted to scream at him that there were much easier ways to do that- but the overwhelming relief of finally having him in your arms again kept you quiet. 

He sighed, relaxing into your embrace. “I missed you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Per usual, you can find my Tumblr [here](http://korpuskat.co.vu/) OR, my writing-only blog [ here.](https://korpuskat.tumblr.com/)
> 
> See you in another 5 months.


	4. Mirrored [Explicit]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *shows up three months late with Starbucks* sup, fuckmothers. I was trying to edit this and then Chrome crashed so, I'm done. Have some unedited trash.

Kylo’s heartbeat is the first thing you’re aware of when your alarm wakes you. Your datapad hardly had the chance to disturb you; the noise only beeping a few times before being silenced by a dark, invisible hand. You wouldn’t be meeting with Xeni today. Even if she planned to continue your training, you doubted Kylo would _let_ you leave his bed. 

You snuggled closer to him, all too happy to indulge in the warmth and intimacy. Kylo- equally pleased to embrace his own selfish desires, sighed contentedly against your hair. His cool, metal prosthetic arm snaked under you, curled around your back and pulled you ever closer to him. 

You drifted quietly in between states of consciousness- not a care in the world beyond the warm chest, subtly rising and falling with his breath, pressed against your cheek. It was strange to have him back; long weeks away had left you with long nights spent alone, with only exceedingly _rare_ accidental meetings. Just fleeting touches of memories and feelings that slipped between your minds from across the stars. None as vivid or conscious as when you had seen him- touched him in that strange underground place. 

But here, he felt so... real. Visceral and solid beneath your fingertips, stroking softly at his shoulder, retracing old scars and committing the new ones to memory. If you pressed down, you could feel the shape of his muscle and the pliability of his flesh. Radiating heat into your fingers as your touch meandered between dark spots across his skin. 

You slowly raised your eyes to meet his. It had been so long, you think- so long since you'd just been able to lie together and do nothing. Your weeks so consumed with harsh training and rigid concern for your safety- and his. But now his soft, still yellow-tinted gaze met yours, quiet and unassuming. All too contented to just stare back at you. No need to hide anything now; your connection was all too strong to allow you to do so, anyway. 

The cool metal edges of his digits traced up your spine, sliding over each knob of your vertebra- made you shiver. You smiled at him, reveled in the warm, soft feeling floating in your bond. You raised a hand and carefully cupped his face- tried not to notice the subtle flinch he had resisted making (something cracked inside you at the sight- at the thought alone that you had been so close to losing him). His jaw was strong, the hard bone barely covered in supple skin- with the slightest edge of stubble growing unshaven since he had arrived on board. 

You stroked your thumb over his cheek and felt the gentle bumps of his moles. "I love you." 

The corners of his plush lips lifted lightly, and then he was tipping your chin up and kissing you. Slow, almost lazy slides of his mouth against yours. You sighed against his mouth and nudged your nose against the side of his. 

You don't know how long you laid like this. Just napping and holding each other, doing nothing but enjoying each others' company and the quiet, unhurried, chaste touches to your skin. Though you loved it, your weeks of stressful training with Xeni and lack of personal touch had left you conditioned to daily activity, of your body being ready to fight and train rather than sleep in.

Restlessness began to manifest in your mind, first. Leaving you unable to fully enjoy Kylo's presence, instead wondering about the future, your training -inconsequential things. It crept into your body- making you wiggle your toes and adjust your position on the bed endlessly. Through this, Kylo didn't seem to mind. With his eyes still half-lidded, he loosened his grip on you every time you moved- and easily settled back in when you had found more comfortable way to lie with him- no matter how temporary it was. 

But the need to _do something_ wouldn't leave you- and though you silently apologized, saturating your connection with remorse, you eventually slid off your side of the bed. You stood there and stretched quietly, bending over to stretch your spine- trying anything to work out this distracting need to move. From the idle and slightly amused contentment still radiating from Kylo's end of your connection, he didn't seem to mind. 

Still, the useless energy persisted, making your spine feel tense. You whispered quietly that you were going to take a shower in hopes of making yourself relax again- Kylo hummed in acknowledgement. 

Perhaps it should’ve been odd that you felt at peace alone in the shower. But you had spent several weeks alone, without the slightest hint of Kylo’s presence- on instinct you reached for him through the thin interior wall separating his refresher from his bedroom, found him still awake, contently enjoying the softness of his own bed, the warmth you’d left behind in the blankets. 

You turned the water hotter and relaxed under the spray, felt the lingering tension in your shoulders and back and down into your hips melt with the heat, wash away with the water. You bathe quickly, enough to scrape away the sweat that had dried to your skin from the night before. 

You stepped out of the shower and grabbed a towel, drying your hair as you stood in front of the mirror. Though lightly fogged from the heat and steam, your reflection stared back at you- quiet and peaceful as water dripped quietly onto the tile. A shifting from Kylo’s response made you stir, pulled your eyes to the doorway as Kylo stepped into view.

He wore only the loose pants he had slept in, hanging low around his hips. Humming softly, he stepped behind you. You watched his reflection, his large hands drifting up under your towel, following the curve of your spine as he pulls the cloth away from your still wet body. There’s a possessiveness about his touch, the echo drifting off his of his mind.

You sighed and leaned back against him, closed your eyes as he pushed your hair over your shoulder and kissed your skin. You couldn’t help but wonder at how easily primal it felt- you had showered, you were fresh and clean of his marks. Of course he had to replace them. 

Kylo’s warm, flesh arm circled around your hips and pulled you back against him- and you almost laughed. Already half-hard, he ground against your ass as he licked a hot stripe up your neck, suckling behind your ear. 

You began to turn towards him- when his touch fled entirely. And then returned, shoving your head down, keeping your ass against him. You gasped, eyes flicking up to the mirror to stare back at him. He did not meet your gaze; his eyes cast down at your body, watching himself as he touched you.

An unbidden moan slipped between your lips, a rush of heat and wetness between your legs as Kylo pushed down his pants and rubbed his cock directly against your flesh. A disgustingly smug smirk pulled at his mouth- reflected back to you in the mirror- and flashed through his emotional response, all too happy to know to revel in the effect he had on you.

Cool metal fingertips danced over the planes of your back, making you shiver and flex under him. His hand retreated from your back and you followed the motion in the mirror as he opened a drawer and retrieved a bottle. You watched, perplexed, as he flicked open the cap with his thumb and-

You yelped, jumping under him as a cool, viscous substance poured between your ass cheeks. You tried to raise yourself up, to question what he was doing- but his metal hand returned, forceful and demanding. He pressed your cheek down against the cool surface of the counter, the weight of his body following through his palm on the back of your neck.

You licked your lips and tried to will him to meet your gaze in the mirror. “Kylo?” 

You squirmed under him as you felt his fingers- long and delicate, begin to prod at the tight ring of your asshole. You whimpered under him, squirmed away from his touch, desperately pushed your hesitancy into his mind.

He _laughed_ \- not the warm and kind noise you’d grown to associate with him- but something dark and cruel. Your blood ran cold

“You belong to me.” His voice sent shivers through your body, made you clamp down on one warm finger as it slipped inside. The feeling was- unusual. Not painful, but foreign, even stranger when Kylo began to move it- thrusting into your body casually. 

“You did this to me, remember?” Kylo asked, leaning further over you until his lips brushed against the shell of your ear. You did remember- how he was worked up and tense from another fight with the General. You remembered his broken, needy moans at the new sensation. But that was different- “It’s my turn now.”

Another finger slipped into your ass, the stretch beginning to burn. You grit your teeth against the feeling. Kylo’s voice returned- softer, but only by a fraction. “I’ve got you. Relax.”

You whimpered again, tried to focus on releasing the anxious, tense muscles in your pelvis. Kylo rumbled pleasantly in his chest- his fingers slipping in and out more with ease, pulling this way and that. Stretching your hole, working you open with merciless efficiency. 

You dropped your forehead fully to the cold counter, reaching out for Kylo through the Force, trying to piece together _why--_

He slipped a third finger in and you felt your legs shaking. _Kylo,_ you whispered to him, pulling at the corners of his mind. He paused.  
You thought for a moment you had gotten through to him- to at least make him slow down and explain his sudden, inexplicable need to claim another part of your body as his. He leaned over you again, the gentle curves of his chest resting against your back as his lips found your shoulder. A chaste kiss, almost delicate as he pulls his fingers out of your ass. 

The ring of muscle there twitched, suddenly left empty after Kylo’s assault. Cool metal fingers- the hand _not_ covered in lube traced over an oblong shape across the skin of your shoulder, close to where your neck meets your collarbone. His touch made you shiver against him, sigh- 

_I did this to you._ He whispers back to you, his voice warm, almost dripping with his desire. The fingertip circles again- and you rememberred then; the nearly faded scar of a bitemark he’d made. The memory makes you cunt gush- he’d taken you up against your training room’s wall, his cock speared into you as he sucked and bit his claim over your neck- had sunk his teeth into your flesh in primal need. 

Your clit ached- to have Kylo folded over you so close and the memory of how he’d nearly made you scream for him. You rocked your hips back against him, grinding against the hard cock behind you-- urged him to feel the wet heat of your sex. 

Amusement slid into your mind- his teeth met your shoulder again, nipping along the faint scar line. He stood upright again- his prosthetic keeping you held down even as you began to squirm anew. You could only catch fractions of movements- but you saw enough. How he picked up the bottle and the repetitive movements of his hand as he slicked his cock. 

You mewled under him, tried to lean away- but where could you go? He held you between his impossibly strong frame and the utilitarian counter. His cock slid between your cheeks, cool and slick- his hips rutting there in slow, measured movements. 

You felt it. In his mind. Kylo almost laughed, terribly entertained at your revelation. The thick head of his cock prodded at your still open hole. There wasn’t any _particular_ reason- other than he wanted to. Wanted to own every part of you, to keep you as his-- to _consume_ you. 

And he _could_. He had the power to, of course- but he knew you wouldn’t deny him. 

“The Dark seeks personal gain.” His breath is obscenely hot against the shell of your ear. “And I _want_ you.” 

The head pressed inside, your body once more protesting the thick intrusion- but he slid into you, easy and unimpeded. You felt… full, felt the heft of him inside you, touching what no one else had. He pulled away- and the feeling is weird and wrong, but you _moan_ as he pushes back in, his pace slow and tentative.  
He buried himself inside you, his abdomen pressing against the soft skin of your ass- his sac brushed against your swollen, ignored labia and you nearly sobbed, lifting your hips back against him. You seem to feel it then- that you’re achingly wet, your cunt weeping for its denial of your pleasure. 

You groaned, worked one hand out from the trap between your body and the counter- and slid it between your thighs. You wet your fingertips and found your clit already hard. The pleasure was so acute your legs shook, a moan torn from your lips without abandon- your body clenching gleefully around Kylo’s cock.

Cold, mechanical fingers curled around your wrist- and you cried out as he dragged your hand away. “Kylo, no, I…!” But he already twisted your arm back towards him- your tingling fingertips caught between his plush lips, his burningly hot tongue slipping over the pads of your digits, savoring the sweetness of you. 

You whimpered, flexed your fingers against his tongue, and _begged,_ “Kylo, please…” 

He growled deep in his chest, the vibrations making your fingers shake. He released your fingers with a wet pop, his hand moving to grab your shoulders- and _lift_ you. His flesh and blood hand curled around your front, pulled you upright against his chest. Your reflection stared back at you; small next to Kylo’s towering form, your cheeks flushed, mouth open and panting, a thin line of saliva hanging from your chin. 

You tried again- your hand moving to your neglected pussy almost of its own accord-- two curls of the Force, as dark as the space between the stars, caught your wrists, bound them together in front of you, folded them up against your chest where Kylo could pin them there against your sternum. 

You _wailed_ , the aching neediness of your clit so overwhelming seemed to throb with your pulse. 

Kylo shushed you, dropping his face to nuzzle against the side of your head. His free arm hooked under one of your thighs- and you moaned, writhed against him as he held your weight, your toes of your other foot barely touching the ground. He guides your leg up and onto the counter.

 _Look,_ he whispers to you- and you can’t _stop_ staring now. The thick lips of your labia are parted, the swollen, aching bud of your clit poking between, desperate for attention. Your entrance is shining, almost dripping your arousal down- down onto Kylo’s cock, thick and pink and beautiful as you _watch_ it slide into your ass, filling you up once more. 

You feel weightless in his arms, your head lolling back against his shoulder, barely having any consciousness left except to stare into the mirror, to flick between the display between your legs and his red face, gaze completely focused on your reflection. 

Two more curls of dark Force energy slid around in front of you, each slipping between your cunt lips- and you gasp weakly as they spread you open, revealing the pink, almost red inner lips of your sex. How with each thrust of Kylo’s hips, your clit twitched and pleaded for mercy.  
His lips brush against the shell of your ear. “Gorgeous.”

The dark metal of his arm contrasted your soft, flushed skin as he reached between your legs- where the tendrils of Force still held you open. They’re _cold_ and you yelp, bucking away from the fingertips. He pursues you- presses the cool digits against your entrance, gathering your slick arousal and dragging it up to circle your clit with.

His fingers are too cold; too stiff and unforgiving against your sensitive nub. It was rough- his touch too imprecise and hard, but any touch at all was enough to make you writhe against him. Your hips shaking, rutting back against Kylo’s cock and then up against his fingers.

He growled next to your ear, made you feel the vibrations- “Beautiful little thing, you belong to me, don’t you?” 

You could only mewl; your tongue felt too thick to form words- only little pleadings as you trembled under his touch, your legs shaking as though you’d skipped straight into overstimulation- you foot sliding across the counter as you struggled to keep the position Kylo had manipulated you into. 

“Yes, you are- such a good pet.” He hummed, the praise making you arch against him- “Go on, cum for me.”

You gasped, tossed your head to the side- the emptiness of your pussy felt wrong, twitching around nothing at all, the gush of your cum dripping obscenely from your entrance. The hot pleasure of your cunt radiated out, into your ass- making you clench rhythmically along his cock, suddenly so sensitive- feeling the thick curve of the head as he fucked you, pulled your hips flush against his- 

His teeth found your shoulder- right over the previous scar. His teeth sunk in- you felt it acutely, tasted the iron on Kylo’s tongue as he broke skin. You clenched around him- struggled to pull an arm from, to push him off- but his jaw released, his tongue laving over the bloodied holes.

Kylo lowered you back to the floor slowly, helped you retrieve your leg from the counter top. His softening dick slipping from your ass, leaving a trail of lube over your asscheeks.

You felt exhausted, boneless- forced to lean against Kylo’s broad chest. The only movement you were even conscious of was the residual twitching in your thighs. Kylo released your wrists, making your hands tingle. Both arms- flesh and metal, curled around your middle.

He lead you-- well, more dragged you; you tried to keep his pace, but your weight mostly ends up in his arms as you stumble over the tile-- back into the shower. You grunted against his arm as he turns the spray back on, gentle and warm. He cleaned you, washed the sweat from your skin, the lube and cum from your aching ass.

You closed your eyes and leaned against him, basking in the warmth of his arms. Your mind came back slowly- tangling with his. No longer a quiet symbiotic mingling, but Kylo latching onto yours, enveloping your psyche entirely. Possessive, demanding- only the slightest undercurrent of his affection. You reached out for that blindly, bathing in the meager softness- 

Kylo sighed, stroked a hand down the length of your back. Pride swelled in his chest just looked at you. He caught your chin and tilted your head up- you didn’t resist at all, still wobbling softly without his support. He kissed you, tasted the shower water as it cascaded over your faces.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [My Tumblr](www.korpuskat.co.vu) | [My Writing Blog](korpuskat.tumblr.com)


	5. Aggression

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your paradise cannot last; you return to training to become a Knight.

You were distracted when you enter the training room. The walk to the effectively perpetually reserved room had let your mind wander, to explore what you had rather not think about. 

Kylo is different, you knew that, but the thought alone makes you feel uneasy now, about resuming your training after your day of… whatever that was. Though your day off had been restful, the lingering strangeness in your pelvis reminds you that something is different. _Wrong_ about this whole thing.

He’d held you afterwards- his cock still hard and warm inside you- curled over you, arms tucked around your waist. He told you he was _proud_ of you. Nuzzling and nipping at your shoulder blades in some warped form of affection. 

Your head was clouded and heavy with these thoughts- and though you hope to slide them behind your shielding, to keep them out of Kylo’s mind- you aren’t sure what he’d think about your mixed feelings about… how he is now. You don’t realize how distracted you are. So blind- you didn’t even feel the presence in the room until you’ve already opened the door.

Not Kylo- no, the hardly suppressed rage washes over you, threatens to pull you under each crashing wave-- nearly has you gasping and backing away from the room as you find him. His dark skin shone with sweat, the two wisping tentacles on his chin sliding back and forth before his face, like snakes threatening an unwary traveler. 

You had wondered what his choice of weapon was. You had thought, perhaps, Quarrens had large hands- they were a very humanoid species aside from their affinity for water and cranial protrusions, perhaps they had large hands, to accommodate webbed fingers. Or perhaps Enki Ren himself and his odd, mixed bag of genes simply had unusually thick fingers. Now you could see them: ten shining extensions off his fingertips, silver blades perhaps only three inches long- vibrating from a motor hidden somewhere in his gloves. 

The holosim he’d been working with had frozen in place when you opened the door, a human holding a blaster stopped mid step, as though she had been frozen with the Force. There was a real anger about her expression- something almost visceral that you could feel yourself. 

_Life-like simulations_ , some part of your mind echoes, sounding suspiciously like Hux’s prim voice. 

His gaze met yours and did not break. Enki cut her down with a slash across her throat; the image flickering blue and fading out. 

You flinched.

You knew better. Quarrens might be generally diplomatic, but whatever else made up Enki’s species was nothing so gentle. Something predatory and bloodthirsty by nature itself. He caught the stifled expression- latched onto it, as compelling to him as blood in the water.

A flick of his wrist- or even less than that, some miniscule twitch let the blades of his fake claws retract, breaking into sections to sit between the joints in his gloves. He took one threatening step toward you. “Again, what were you before the Master found you?”

You raise your head high and tried to speak with pride. He knew already- either by the last time he’d invaded your mind or his prying into the minds of anyone else abroad the _Finalizer_. “Communications officer. A translator.” 

Enki huffed, scowled- the slick air of condescension falling from him with disgusting ease. “Worthless.” 

He work trying to work you up- you knew his game, and yet you couldn’t help it. You bristled, felt your fingers twist into fists. “Excuse me?”

He took another long step towards you, towering over you with his sharp teeth and cold, blue eyes. His lips curled up into a sneer, revealing rows of sharp teeth. “A droid could have replaced you.” 

A mix of fear and indignation pulled at your seams; the conflicting desire to flee back to the safety of Kylo’s arms and the burning need to rip those slimy tentacles clean off Enki’s face. And yet your anger was attuned- something you’d grown accustomed to using in your training. “No droid could _ever_ do what I did for the Order.”

The mutilated cousin of a grin slipped over Enki’s mouth, his lips spreading too wide over his sharp teeth. “Of course not.”

Something about this had the gears clicking into place- and suddenly, the fear was winning over. You searched the Force near you- and felt Kylo close enough. The slightest twinge of your mind touching his- the desperation and fear touching upon him- and you feel the responding anger, his pace picking up as he approached your training room. 

“No droid could waste _the Force_ to do something as mundane as translation.” Enki laughed; a shiver shot down your spine. “Not that you have much to waste. You are nothing more than a fumbling child, a useless, _erroneous_ flaw of the Order.” He stepped closer- and you step back, fighting to keep your face and response undeterred and failing, “You cannot even argue without called for help. You are _weak_ and you make _him_ weak.” 

You hands shook, a cold ball of fear and unbridled _hatred_ settled in your chest, made your eyes water and your fingers twitch for the desire to punch him. Just one good hit, you think- to see that smug fish face be smacked. His shiny, serrated teeth glinted at you, made you _need_ to see them knocked out- to know what the color of his blood was-

The whirr of the door sliding open cut the tension; Enki immediately disengaging- turned towards Kylo. You didn’t look at him; could only stare blindly at a spot on the wall past Enki’s shoulder, breathing shallowly, focusing on not shattering into a million pieces.

Kylo was _pissed_ \- the acute, hot rage washing over you, making your own anger feel miniscule. Almost comforting in its warmth. Neither of the Knights said anything as they passed each other- you knew Kylo watched Enki leave, felt the tightness in his shoulders as though it were your own. Your face felt heavy; anger made your arms tremble. The slow realization that you jaw hurt from having been clenched had you working your jaw side to side and trying to let go of the rage. 

Kylo’s mind touched yours, a questioning brush that made you want to sigh and fall into his arms once more. But the heat of your emotion clung to your thoughts like tar- no matter how desperately you tried to scrape it away, it only spread across your hands. You crossed your arms, tightened your fists around your biceps. 

You heard the thought before it left his lips, _Are you alright?_ You nearly scoffed. He was in your head again, he could feel your frustration, the hot, impotent rage that made your skin burn- no, you were very much not alright. 

“He’s wrong.” Kylo said. Bootsteps echoed off the metallic walls as he approached. He loomed behind you, all wide shoulders and intimidating height. Your aching pelvis throbs- the similarity to yesterday’s position is not lost on you, but without the mirror, you can focus only on the warmth radiating from his chest into your back. 

“I’m not weak.” You mumbled, not even sure if you believe it. 

“No.” Kylo confirmed, the tips of his gloved fingers nudging at the small of your back. “But you can be stronger.”

You swallow thickly- and give a sharp nod. _Teach me._ You ignored the shaking in your fingertips, electing to go and retrieve your usual lightweight sword. 

Kylo didn’t bother asking; he pushed into your mind. The forceful invasion made you reel- but you remained standing. He skimmed through your weeks of teaching with Xeni, following your own thoughts through each lesson- dozens of sessions, basic techniques of form and combat. Though Xeni had mostly focused on your skills with the Force, she had at least started you on the right path for the inevitable combat training with Kylo.

Kylo settled over one memory in particular; your last major meeting with Xeni. He watched, almost entranced with your actions of only a few days ago. He disconnected from you abruptly, the connection severing with such force you shook your head, had to re-oriented yourself. Evenly, he demanded: “Show me.”

You held out the sword. You felt almost grateful to Enki. The rage in your chest funneled out through your fingertips, dark and viscous in your mind’s eye. It envelopes the metal, lifting it from your hands with only a tiny tremor. Your hand only twists a little, the embodiment of your will moving the sword- sweeping side to side, standing upright and slashing. 

Something like pride filtered between Kylo’s mind and yours. The sword stilled as you glanced up to his face. One corner of his mouth was lifted slightly in the beginnings of a sly smile. “Good,” He says softly. “Your control has improved.”

You smiled back at him, basked in his praise.

“Now.” He drew his lightsaber. The crimson light made you immediately anxious- how it spat sparks and hissed- it was a fitting weapon for Kylo. He raised the blade in front of him. “This is _Shii Cho,_ the first form.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally this chapter was meant to devolve into sadistic boning to prove Reader had great pain tolerance. But I figured actual plot needed to happen first. Sorry about the length, but hey. Fucking returns next chapter.


	6. Relaxation [Explicit]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Training leaves you sore and tired.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm here, I'm queer, and I have brought pain.

You whined pitifully as the steaming water beat against your darkening bruises. The heat felt nice, and you knew your muscles were starting to unwind, but your injuries still cried out for mercy. You laid your cheek against the cool transparisteel of your shower.

There was definitely something wrong with Kylo. You knew this before- had seen it in how much more forceful and demanding he was, the lingering hatred just under the surface of his mind. Had seen it in his yellow-tinted eyes. But this was a new discovery: the absolute joy he got from training with you. 

No, not the training, you corrected yourself, rubbing at a particularly nasty bruise on your shoulder. You had sparred again- this time, practicing the katas the first lightsaber form. It felt wrong, of course, to be using the longsword- but it was nice to think you were progressing. That you were one step closer to making your own lightsaber and becoming a Knight.

But the shivering pleasure that ran through his veins every time you missed a parry or slipped a block- each time his own practice sword struck you and the pain made you gasp… He’d only stopped when you had struggled to stand up again. When you had to lie on the floor for a few moments just to stop the shaking in your legs. 

In his mind, you felt his satisfaction for seeing you on the ground, beaten. He knew if it were anyone else doing that to you he’d destroy them- eviscerate them on the spot. His own instinct making his arms tense with the reflex to kill you. 

You didn’t want to think about it. You closed your eyes, focused on relaxing into the warm water. You had each done what you needed to survive the last eight weeks. That’s all you could’ve asked from him. And if this was what he needed to make it through Snoke’s training… you couldn’t hold that against him.

But it made you wonder more: if Kylo had been guided to become like this- so full of darkness that you could barely recognize him, then what would become of you? You had never been overly drawn to the dark, at least any more than the light. Would you… could you even reach the point of enjoying your lover’s pain? 

You shivered despite the heat, and shut off the water. You toweled off quickly and looked into the mirror. The deep bite across your shoulder that Kylo had re-opened was now scabbed over, but still maroon under your skin. Your new bruises were still forming, still darkening and spreading their ruptured capillaries.

With little preamble, you returned to the bedroom and collapsed onto Kylo’s bed. For once- and you felt almost guilty even thinking it- you were pleased to have the room to yourself.

From your inability to continue, Kylo had declared that he needed to speak with Snoke. He hadn’t returned from the holochamber yet. So for now, you slipped under Kylo’s heavy comforters, still naked, and laid down. Nearly entirely on your front, the ache in your back finally began to dissipate. 

You napped in the empty silence of his room, undisturbed for a time. 

 

Fingers pushed into your bruises- the sharp pain making adrenaline pump into your blood. The Force pulsed at your fingertips before you even opened your eyes, already prepared to throw whoever was attacking you- but your wrist was pushed back into the mattress before you could move. 

_Shhh._ He whispered to you, his voice smooth and dark, almost as soothing as it once was. You twist your neck to try and see him- vaguely annoyed at once more being face-down before him. From this angle, you can’t see anything, but now that you’re awake, he doesn’t bother hiding himself. The duvet had been pushed off to the side; his weight resting heavily on your thighs, his fingers strolling over your naked back.

You groaned into the pillow as nimble thumbs worked on each side of your spine, alternating between unwinding your sore muscles and prodding at the wounds he had inflicted. Here, his touch comforting, and there rubbing, harsh circles into blue-black skin. It was nearly relaxing, aside from his clear lack of concern for your injuries. Just as he had during training, a humming pleasure warmed the edges of his consciousness every time his fingers swept over a dark bruise, each time you exhaled forcefully to keep from whining in pain.

Despite the aching, his hands were warm and ungloved and your body still longed for his touch, even if things weren’t going as you had expected. And the anticipation for each touch, wondering if it would make you sigh or hiss made sparks run down your spine.

“Beautiful,” Kylo murmured, the smooth tops of his fingernails skimming over each vertebra. “Do you have any idea how beautiful you look like this?” 

He pushed at the edge of your mind- not at demanding or forceful as he had been before, but still not waiting for your acceptance. You were much too tired to resist, anyway. The image filters in, bright and obvious against the backs of your eyelids. 

Your own back, stretched across the dark folds of his sheets and mottled with bruises. _Stars-_ it looked even worse than it felt. His hands, one pale and one carbon fiber black, spread across the wide plane of your back. His human hand sliding up to your shoulder, pushing his warmth into your skin, over the still healing wound he’d given you.

The image from his mind slid away as the blunt nail of his thumb caught under the edge of the raised scab. You winced, raised a hand to stop him- but he was already peeling the skin away, the stinging pain making you grit your teeth. Uncovered, the bite wound began to bleed again, droplets of crimson raising to the surface.

 _”Kylo,”_ you hissed, your hand twisting back to catching his wrist. But his tongue was already moving, lapping over the tender, wounded flesh and licking up each drop of blood as it pushed to the surface. An outer layer of his robe draped over your back, still warm, as he leaned forward- and his mouth covered the wound once more.

Kylo’s hot tongue laved over the bitemark, slow and forceful, relishing in the taste of iron. His mouth drifted upwards towards your neck, scraping his teeth and sucking hard at the unbruised column of your neck. You sighed, tilted your head away to encourage him. Strong hips rolled down against your ass, and electric pleasure shot to your clit- a different sort of ache settling between your legs.

Against his weight, you struggled to raise your hips- to push back against him. His laughter was hot against your neck- but he complied with your unspoken request. Pushing his warm hand slipped between your legs, his thumb slipping between your slick labia. With the pad of his thumb, he circled your entrance, just barely pushing against the tender flesh, the base of the digit grinding against your clit made you moan- stifled against the pillow. 

You pushed against him again, rutted back against the hard swell of his cock. “Please,” You breathe halfway into the pillow, “Kylo, need you,” 

“Shhh, I know,” He soothed, like white noise through the Force. His thumb never ceased, stroking across your wet cunt like a metronome- back and forth, over and over, easy and measured. But his presence- the intention he pushed into you made you relax, almost complacent under him. The sharp ache of desire dulled to a quiet whine. 

His touch withdrew from you- made you whimper for the loss, but the noise broke into a moan as you heard him. The slick, wet sound of his tongue laving over his own finger and the sudden, phantom taste of your own wetness in your mouth, thick and sweet, had your fingers twisting into the sheets.

The thick head of Kylo’s cock nudged at your clit- you can’t even process when he had undressed enough to free himself- before he’s pushing inside. Your breath hitched, almost crying for how good it feels-- how _right_ it is to have him so close, filling you. 

The ache through your body was muted, far away and distant as his hips begin to rock, building a steady pace. It took almost nothing before you’re writhing under him, arching and pleading with word and thought. The Force was his to control- and he’d done it so often, you expected the heatless touch of energy, the will of his mind to tip you over once more. But he lifted your hips just enough to slide his cool, stiff arm under you. He rolled your clit in time with his thrusts- panting hot against your neck, lips skimming across your skin in quiet, unheard commands.

Orgasm caught you by surprise- falling over the edge without even realizing how close you actually were. Your body arched upwards, meeting his solid warmth and fighting to keep pressed against him as your toes curled. His metal fingers left your clit to grab your hip, pull your body into his thrusts as he lost pace, stuttering and cumming inside your body once more.

He lowered himself slowly. Though you were sure he could've rolled to the side, if he wished- he levered his weight down almost directly on top of your back. You grunted softly in complaint- but quietly basked in the heat and pressure against you. Time became fluid, slipping by as you caught your breath, neither of you moving. Slowly, however, as Kylo's panting evened out, he shifted slowly atop you, nosing against your scalp and sliding down to kiss the bump at the top of your spine. His breath is hot as he sighed, wrapping his arms around your middle and finally maneuvering so you were on your sides. 

His fingers skate up your sides, dancing over your ribcage- and moving to circle another bruise on your front, one that had been missed in his assault on your back. You thought he was going to torture it as he did with the others- but his hand left you as he leaned back to grab the forgotten comforter. He dragged it back, draping it over your body before you can get cold. His arm found its way around your front again, pulling you firmly back against his chest. 

His voice was quiet and low, almost disinterested as he spoke, "You did well today." 

You weren't really sure what to say to that. You hummed in the back of your throat in acknowledgement.

Kylo's hold on you didn't change as he closed his eyes- you felt his breathing slow and the quietness of his mind as he slipped into a light nap. 

You wondered if he could knew how out of place you felt.


	7. Taunt [Explicit]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo continues to not understand basic human decency.

“We’ll be arriving at M’haeli in two days.” His voice filtered through his mask, the new vocoder foreign and unfamiliar on your ears. He stepped out of the large holochamber, hardly waiting at all for you to match his pace. His meeting with Snoke had been abnormally short, and his sudden return had you rising to your feet and stumbling after him.

Trying to keep up with his long legs, you echoed back, “M’haeli?” The name wasn't familiar-was it a planet? Or a city? 

He rounded the corner onto a main hallway back to the lifts, seemingly uninterested in training for the day. “For your lightsaber.” Oh. 

You _taste_ the surprise more than see it- an officer nearly running into Kylo. Her heart slamming against her chest as she sidestepped and saluted him hastily, the shock and flood of fear tipping easily into your mind as you watched her pass. Kylo's only reaction was a sharp sneer under his helmet.

“What about it?” You asked, glancing over your shoulder to watch the officer. “Most of the components I can make on ship. I’ve already got a design in mind.” Which was true-- the book Xeni had given you had been both informative and heart wrenching to read. A speculative cross guard diagram- much like Kylo’s- had caught your attention and you had bookmarked that page-- but further was another schematic. One that was sleek and intuitive. Something about it had felt _right_ \- and you knew, as the Force had guided you, that would be the basis of your own sword.

“M’haeli has some of the last crystals not taken by the Empire.” 

You stopped. Of course. The crystal. That was the only piece you couldn't truly make or buy on your own. You were two days away from getting the heart of your saber. How could you know which one? Would it be like the design, something you simply knew? 

When you looked up again, Kylo had turned around. His mind as unreadable as his mask- before he tilted his head and stepped towards you. Cold, electric fear traced your spine, a cool sweat prickling at the base of your neck. There was something predatory about the movement- a nauseatingly powerful feeling edging from his mind into yours.

You stepped backwards. Though you could not see his eyes, you couldn’t pull your gaze from his visor. Instinct drove you to push at his mind again, to glean some clue of his behavior as Kylo took another long step forward. 

You backed up again- and continued this fearful dance until cold durasteel pressed against your back. With nowhere to go, his next step left you crowded against his wide chest. Still unable to look away, you tipped your head back to stare at his mask, your throat bobbing as you swallowed heavily. 

Only then can you begin to piece together his thoughts: dark and possessive, the image of you holding a lightsaber (scarlet red, like his)- the memory of his own visions, how stunning you looked covered in blood. Powerful and only ever by his side- indivisible.

Blood rushed to your cheeks, an ache settling between your legs on association alone. Kylo pushed forward again- his thick thigh parting your legs easily. Your fingers curled into the heavy cloak around his shoulders, anchoring yourself to him.

He rocked forward, one gloved hand settling on your hips, guiding you to follow his rhythm. The pressure was faint, muffled by layers of robes, but still enough on your clit to make you exhale shakily- pulling him closer to press your face into his chest. 

Movement at the corner of your eye- you tensed, turned to look-- his free hand, the right one, all hard metal covered only in a synthleather glove- catches your chin, pushed your face back towards the dark ruffs of his midcoat. _Kylo,_ you whimpered, pressed your caution into his mind.

Sadistic delight slipped over his response. Kylo pressed his thigh higher, pushing harder against your tingling cunt until you were forced up onto your toes. The hand on your body drags you forward again, the friction making your hips stutter. _Kylo,_ you whispered again, biting your lip against the warmth gathering. _We’re right next to the-_

“I know.” His vocoder rumbled low, the mouthpiece vibrating close to your ear. He thrusted up against you, made your legs clench around his. The need to moan your approval pained you- your hand covering your own mouth just to keep quiet. The busy corridor to the lifts was _right there-_

“Anyone could walk by,” Kylo concluded, the static of the vocoder doing nothing to mask his arousal. His hand increased its pace, fully grinding you against his thick, muscular thigh. The many layers of your Knight’s robes did not help the situation; the stimulation was muffled and dispersed though the hefty fabric. The sensation was almost teasing- too light to make you cum. “Do you think they know how wet you get for me?”

But still you wanted to whimper into Kylo’s neck and rut against him. You tugged him closer by the surcoat- your free hand wrapping around him instead, pulling him flush against you. The angle of his leg changed with this- tilted lower and pushing more directly against your clit. The next stroke of your hips had you sinking your teeth into Kylo’s cowl, the quiet, desperate moan silenced in the tattered cloth.

Shining white armor passed in the hallway- followed by another, and _another_ , a full squadron marching through the passage only feet away. If any of them thought to look to the side-

“What would you do, hm?” He sounded breathless despite his taunts, “If they saw us?” 

Your cunt clenched, hips aching as you pushed down against him. _Kylo,_ you whimpered, silently begged to go somewhere more private- for him to fuck you until you screamed.

“They’d see how much of a _slut_ you are for your master,” Kylo held his body against you- kept you pinned against his broad chest, trapped against his relentless grinding. You mewled, helpless to stop the rhythmic rocking of your hips and the slow building of burning pleasure. “They already know we’re fucking,”

A warm swirl of familiar darkness circled your clit, kneading in counterpoint to his grinding- lightning pleasure sparking through your veins. You writhed against him, gasping through the desire to moan, “But do they know how you _beg_ me?”

The hand that had been holding your face close to him slipped behind your neck, twisting cruelly into your hair. He yanked your head back- the pain making your back arch, a trembling moan slipping past your lips.

“Go on,” He breathed- pressed the forehead of his mask against yours so you could stare into the black lense of his visor. “Beg me.” 

You whimpered softly, _Kylo-_

The fist in your hair tightened, drew your head back farther. “Outloud. Let them hear you.” 

You licked your lips, torn between closing your eyes- losing yourself to the sweet friction between your legs and staring, almost blindly, into the void where his eyes should be. Knowing full well he was staring at you- watching your every expression, every touch of pleasure or pain with wide, dark eyes. 

“Kylo,” You whispered, “P-please,” 

“Please, what?”

You bit your lip, the ache to cum burning you up from the inside out. A harsh flick against your clit and you broke, gasping, without any sense of volume, “Please, make me cum!” 

The hand at you hip wrenched you up, the Force around your clit swirling, twisting- slipping under the hood to stroke at the sensitive nub directly-- Kylo’s fist in your hair didn’t move, kept your head locked in place as you clenched, writhed, thrashed in his grasp- thighs locking his leg in place as you shivered, rutted unevenly to chase out the last shimmers of your orgasm.

At last, his hand let go of your hair. The ache in your scalp remained, (you did not think of how this was simply one more pain in your continually aching body), even as you dropped your head limply onto Kylo’s shoulder. 

Kylo, at least, slowly lowered you back to your feet, his strong arms keeping you steady as feeling returned to your legs. His left hand pet soothingly across the small of your back, dragging his knuckles steadily over the thick cloth. 

The heavy weight of Kylo’s cock throbbed against your belly and drew you back to reality, out of your orgasmic bliss. He stepped back cautiously, hands lingering around your waist as you wobbled uneasily. Though he said nothing, not even mentally- you felt the quiet attention he gave you, how much he wanted to ask if you were okay. 

You gave him a lopsided smile and slowly released you hold on his robes. He didn’t resist you as you took one of his hands in yours, just barely holding it as you finally made your way back to the lifts.


	8. Ilinix

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The call to your saber is strong- leading you to the planet of M'haeli with Kylo and Enki Ren.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holidays & a Happy New Year!
> 
> **Contains:** No sexual content. Please head that this fic has been updated to "Author Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings." This fic _will not_ feature underage, incest, or rape content, _however_ both canon-typical and more-intense violence will be in both this chapter and in future chapters.

You wasted no time in unclipping your safety belt and rushing down the ramp, nearly tripping over the last inch, not quite lowered all the way to the ground.

The landing site is all grassland, covered in low, stringy pale green weeds no more than ankle high, even in your boots. The small spaceport around you lazily droned onward, a squadron of troopers marching by as the colonizers watched cautiously. Their eyes flicking between the white-armored soldiers, the large, impending wings of Kylo’s shuttle, and the stranger in odd dark robes looking lost and haggard.

Whatever reason the First Order had claimed the area- or even the planet, you weren’t entirely sure the legality- wasn’t clear, nor seemingly important. But the locals knew well enough not to poke their noses into whatever Order business was happening, and though the curiosity and wariness was pervasive in the mind of every passerby, none stopped to investigate. 

The air was breathable without masks, and even fresh smelling; something faintly fruity making your mouth water. And the atmosphere (wary though it was) was an infinitely more pleasant change: behind you, two dark, tumultuous signatures lingered, their steps heavy upon the ship’s ramp, now fully extended and well mounted into the dirt.

Enki had claimed he had unrelated business on M’haeli. Even without the Force’s guidance, you had no doubt that was complete bullshit. You had no reason to trust him anyway. You watched him cautiously as he looked eastward. You felt the obnoxious, arrogant grin under his skullish mask as he glanced over his shoulder, nodding once to Kylo who did not acknowledge the Knight’s departure. Enki marched east, deeper into the busy port.

But Enki’s unwelcome, smothering presence was not the only reason you had raced onto the new world. There was something important here. Something was… singing. A low, humming melody that tugged at your legs, ached to make you follow it somewhere out of the crowds, deep into the rolling hills. 

With the second Knight disappearing into the crowds, you looked back to your master. Behind his own mask, the agitation at Enki’s _existence_ was fading; his response slowly filled with prideful anticipation. His own eagerness spilled into you- made the excitement in your belly bubble over, a smile peeling past your lips, not hidden and secret like Kylo’s. 

Somewhere on this planet, your crystal was waiting for you.

_Do you feel it?_ His voice is even, but almost breathless- the exhilaration lying unspoken, winding around your mind, mixing with your own. You nod. Could he hear the singing, too?

You take two steps forward, almost content to wander blindly through the grasslands until you found it- but a red-shouldered trooper cut you off. His armor clattered loudly as he saluted, his mask drifted between looking at you and at Kylo. “Sir,” They started- with the barest brush of their mind, you felt the prickling anxiety that made their neck hurt. They expect Kylo to be very upset- “There is a problem.” 

Your eyebrows pinched on instinct- but they continued on. “There is a local group, unconnected to the Resistance, we believe, that is opposing the Order. They have blocked access to the mines. We were instructed…”

Kylo cut in- “How many crystals did you obtain?” 

“Two dozen, sir. Of varying size and quality. The mine was more severely depleted than expected.” 

_Is the crystal near?_ He asked; voice injected into your mind. You suppressed a shudder. Had Kylo always been so forceful in his bonded whispers to you?

You swallowed your reservations and returned to the task at hand. You closed your eyes- and reached out. The refrain even louder when you sought it. With your mind, you followed its delicate warblings. Deep underground, far past the soft mounds of hills surrounding the colony.

Your calm confidence surprised you. _No._

Kylo hummed in the back of his throat- too low for his modulator to pick up. “Are the speeders prepared?”

“Yes, sir. This way.” 

 

The speeder is sleek and dark, a newer model of the old T-44s the Empire used. Twin engines tucked against the back corners of the craft. More interesting: two transport speeders were parked beside it, each slowly being loaded with selections of Stormtroopers. You squinted at it for a moment before Kylo’s mind was tugging at yours, urging you to get in so you both could resume your mission.

Having been subjected to Kylo’s flying thrice now, you knew well enough to hold on as he pressed down the accelerator. The force of the wind against your face was refreshing- the chill making your face tingle pleasantly. 

The further away from the colony, the stronger the smell of fruit. Until you passed short brushy-looking plants that bore neon-colored fruits. Were they edible? And, if so, what creatures lived here?

“Is this where you got your crystal?” The words slipped by without thinking. You hoped, perhaps, the wind had obscured your voice- but even if it had, his power was still pressed up against your mind. He would have heard you even without your voice.

The speed of the craft faltered, slowing then surging forward once more. Kylo’s hands tightened on the control column. He’s brisker than the wind- “No.”

You quieted, any desire to pursue your curiosity snuffed out. The air resumed its loud rush, suffocating any residual words to share.

The nav system blinked, the dot of your destination appearing on screen. Wouldn’t be long now. 

More an echo into your mind than a verbal statement: “I made mine.” 

You blinked, looked to him. Kylo stared forward, almost unseeing over the passing greenery. He glanced at you momentarily from the corner of his eye- just long enough to acknowledge each other.

The desire to _find_ your crystal had made you excited.To pull it from the deep, hidden heart of a strange planet had felt so _right_. But you had read about the technique briefly in the book Xeni had given you. It had seemed like such a long and arduous process- to meditate over a single crystal and guide its formation for several days. Without even knowing if you would have made it correctly… 

You didn’t want to pursue that, though surely Kylo would have provided you with the furnace needed if you had wanted to.

Had Kylo’s crystal come out unstable? Or had it cracked later…?

You didn’t answer him, unsure how to read his mood- surely too intensely set on the mission at hand to entertain you. 

The hills grew higher, and as you crested one top- you saw the gaping black hole in the terrain. Like an infected wound, it seemed to suck in all light around it. Two white armored soldiers stood at the edge- seemingly more attentive and alert than most. On guard. Actively. Something was wrong.

Kylo haphazardly parked the speeder, leaning hard on the thrust reversers. He wasted no time waiting for you, immediately climbing out and approaching the troopers. 

 

"Sir," The Trooper on the left spoke to Kylo, as the right examined you- helmet tilting up and down in confusion, something akin to disdain floating across his mind. You raised your eyebrows, dared him to say anything. "The local population has occupied part of the mines. They have proven aggressive and violent."

Kylo gave a sharp nod in acknowledgement- as you returned your focus to him, you couldn’t help but furrow your brow. He was distant- distracted. You could feel his thoughts swirling just out of reach. "A support convoy will be arriving after us. Stay here until we return." 

They each nodded, one's mask clicking against his chest plate. 

You looked into the cavernous maw of the mine, the dark entrance circling down into the earth. All at once the humming washed over you. You closed your eyes, felt the power pulsing in your veins-

You felt Kylo's eyes on you from behind his mask. Watching you. He's waiting. He knew that feeling- you could tell, just from the quiet thoughts that filter into your consciousness- the knowledge that a turning point in your destiny was so close, just within your reach. Something was going to happen.

You swallow thickly and stepped into the darkness.

 

 

After the first turn, the light from the entrance was entirely gone. Kylo ignited his saber, bathing the earth in red, flickering light. The walls had been picked clean of anything interesting- leaving only crumbling dirt and rocks with the rare touch of scaffolding for support.

The mine went deep, long winding tunnels that branch off at every turn. Despite the labyrinthine maze of twists, you felt no hesitation in the path you chose, somehow guided. Even if Kylo had not illuminated your path, you would've been able to find your way to it.

A few times you heard rustling- distant movement, obscure and unfamiliar. The trooper's report of the locals made you nervous, hyperaware of any sound that wasn't made by you or Kylo- but you never saw anyone else. 

And then

You saw it.

An odd changing of the light, something strange- no longer just the crimson of Kylo's blade. You approached it- wiped the top layer of dirt off the wall, revealing the source to you. Embedded in the dirt, packed tightly into the wall was a glowing stone. The crystal shone a bright, cyanic blue, resonating and humming softly against your fingers- charged with power.

"That one?" Kylo's voice broke the serenity of the song-- almost concerned with the choice.

You turned the crystal in your hands, noted the inner swirling teal. You felt it with the Force, sweeping through the power the small stone held. "No,” You sigh, rolling the crystal once more. “But it's near." 

You hesitated- then pressed the crystal back into the wall, unsure what else to do with it. It felt wrong to take a crystal that wasn't... _your_ crystal. Clearly the Order still desired them, having commandeered this mine.

But the singing was so close now, soon drawing you through the darkness, passing other dots of light, hidden power in the walls of the mine. Sparkling lights unseen, each humming their own notes. Together, they should have been a cacophony, a thundering racket that drowned out all other senses-- but even with dozens, _hundreds_ of the mystical rocks around you, it was still soothing, melodious. 

You turned a corner, and it’s there. A jolt of power, of recognition sparking over your skin. You stopped, struggled to breathe through the moment. This was it. You knew it.

You surged forward all at once, nearly tripping over yourself with a new strength in each successive step. The stone emitted no visible light- buried too far into the walls of the cavern, but you could _see_ it. The swirling, pulsing of Force energy that called to you so sweetly.

You dug into the walls- your gloves unable to stop the occasional sharp point of compacted dirt from digging into the flesh of your palm with your careless, driven search. You dislodged one stone- dropping it blindly on the mine’s floor, and you could see it. Truly see it, shining out into the darkness. 

The gemstone was so small, hardly larger than your thumb. Slightly oblong, rounded and smooth to the touch. And magenta. A brilliant red-purple that sang against your fingertips. Any previous wonder of what it would be like was gone- the answers all felt so obvious. Of course it looked like this, how could it not? It had to be this way. 

You rolled the crystal in your palm, feeling the power trapped inside. Kylo stepped closer, staring over your shoulder at it. 

“This one?” His voice rumbled, dancing and blending with the melody until it began to fade. The stone was quiet now-- all the others were gone as well, dropping into a knowing, comfortable silence. Just the echoing of Kylo and yours breathing and the merciless spitting of his lightsaber.

You licked your lips. “Yeah.”

 

 

Navigating your way back was less easy- with your beacon in hand, the supernatural guidance you’d had was gone. But at least Kylo seemed to know his way back- or perhaps he was feeling a sort of beacon of his own. The desire to connect with him (more deeply than the surface skimming that always seemed to slip between you) was a deep ache in your chest. But it felt wrong, somehow. Out of place.

Kylo was so focused- so intent on returning to the speeder and ultimately to the _Finalizer_. His attention only upon the task at hand. Not lost in the strange newness that you were still rolling in your palm. 

You didn’t even see it.

The adrenaline poured so fast into Kylo’s veins you can feel its echo in yours, suddenly taught and ready to spring-- and then the screeching hum of his crackling blade swinging up through the air, its red light shifting over the walls. The lightsaber spat,slicing through something in the air- burning hot fragments spraying across his arm, across your dark robes. 

You ran on instinct- on the training the Order and Kylo had both instilled deep inside. You dropped low, covered your face protectively, sought the source of aggression. And there- amongst the dark shadows of the mine, standing at the convergence of a fork, was a boy.

You blinked, stared at him, tried to piece the visual together in your mind. A boy. No more than ten cycles. A _child_ stood before you, his hand shaking around the hilt to a blade. His mind was so _open_ \- he’s terrified, though you wouldn’t need the Force to know that. But there’s a determination behind the fear, something you know all too well.

It was what drove you through your weeks of separation, after all. The primal need and connection to something. The same brush against Kylo’s mind yields only confusion, unsure how to… deal with this.

The boy lifted the blade- held it with both hands before him, the point leveled at you. The sensation of the ridges Kylo’s lightsaber bit into your hand, hard and unforgiving as his grip tightened. 

You went rigid. Deal with him. Kylo wouldn’t...

You could see it now- the edge of the knife (surely too short to truly be a sword) so defined, it wasn’t even a vibroblade. Nothing more severe than you would find in a kitchen. He wasn’t a threat.

He opened his mouth once, but struggled to find the words, closing it again in silence. Only the sounds of pounding blood and the crackling of Kylo’s saber in your ears. The boy licks his lips and tries again. 

“Y-you can’t have it.” 

You tilt your head, try to process his words. Kylo didn’t need that time- he took one step forward, edging himself between the child and yourself. The intent behind it is so subtle you almost didn’t feel it- “You will leave.”

The boy’s grip only tightened, the fiery determination flashing in his eyes. “You can’t have it. You’ve taken enough.” 

Kylo sneered, his lip twitching upward, the feeling echoing through the Force. His power is unmistakable this time- his off hand extended outward- _”Go home.”_

The child struggled against it- blinking and shaking his head. The constant spitting of Kylo’s lightsaber kept you on edge- if the boy broke free of the impulse…. You bit your lip and looked to him. Kylo wouldn’t kill him, would he? He was essentially unarmed and alone, no real threat to either of you. You wouldn’t let him.

But it seemed you wouldn’t need to stop him.

The boy’s shoulders slowly loosened, his hands dropping to his sides. His eyebrows twitched together, confused and concerned- like walking into a room and forgetting what he’d been doing. “I… will go home…” 

He began to walk back- two steps into the deep darkness ahead. Kylo exhaled slowly, the tension ebbing away in sluggish waves. You approached slowly- as though he were a frightened loth cat- and touch his upper arm. He looked to you, then. Something unspoken- verbally or mentally- passed between you. 

You were so focused on Kylo’s own return to ease that you didn’t feel it. 

“Wait,” The boy spoke again- facing deep into the mine ahead. You blinked, looked back to his tiny form-

“Who are-” his voice dropped into a soft whine- and the nauseating note of shattering bones popping out of place was all that followed. His neck wrenched unnaturally back towards you, his eyes still glossed over from Kylo’s command. The miniscule power that had kept him upright dissipated, dropping him to the rough mine floor. 

You couldn’t breathe- eyes locked with the child’s even as you knew he was gone. Time seemed to drag on, eons passing before you could even register the boots standing on the other side of the child’s body. 

Black. Synthleather- your eyes travelling upward on habit, even as you knew who it was. The skull-like mask of Enki stared unseeingly back at you. But you could feel it. He’d felt nothing in doing that, no joy in snapping someone’s neck (no, no, you knew now, could feel it in the horrible, vile mess of Enki Ren’s mind that he enjoyed the _violence_ not just the _murder)_. 

But now he looked to you. And he felt it. In your shock your outermost defenses fell without a fight, and he could _feel_ your shock, your… your _disgust._ And you knew, even without the Force, the exact sick grin that had settled over his blue lips. 

Your hand clenched hard around the crystal, the edges digging into the flesh of your palm. And you- you needed it, needed to feel the crunch of broken bones, to make him bleed for this. The darkness curled around your fist with ease, a vambrace of your rage-

A fierce pain around your arm, tight and demanding. You didn’t even recognize it as Kylo’s hand, biting deep into your skin, leaving a violet ring for tomorrow. You can’t look at him. You _can’t._

Because you _knew_. You knew Kylo wasn’t the least upset about Enki’s outright murder, and you knew Kylo could’ve, _would_ have killed him just the same. The darkness was so overwhelming in him- so cold and empty, a shell around what you truly loved. 

Your head spun, lightheaded and nauseous. You didn’t even register that you were being pulled away, lead past the body, the Knight, and the two rows of white-armored Stormtroopers lined behind him. Your mind was silent, nothing but static and emptiness, vision bobbing freely as you ascended back out of the mine.

The sunlight was too bright, made you cringe, shield yourself against it. 

Kylo lead you back to the speeder, guiding you to sit down. He said nothing as he sat beside you and started the engine. 

The words were so quiet as they leave your mouth, you wonder how Kylo had even heard you. “There are children in the Resistance.”

There’s no emotion at all behind his staccato “Yes.”

 

 

Upon return to the base, Kylo informed the crew they would be taking a different shuttle back. You followed him, perhaps by habit or perhaps because you wouldn’t have any clue what to do without him- or, or had he been compelling you…?

_I wouldn’t._ He whispered into your mind. Quiet. Soothing. 

You suppressed the need to retch, settle for a cold shiver down your spine and the world tilting on its axis, spinning uncomfortably as he settled you into the copilot’s seat. Though you survived take off and breaking free of M’haeli’s atmosphere, the shuddering of the command shuttle was nothing next to the openness of Kylo’s mind.

Because he wanted nothing more than to hold your hand, to gather you into his arms and guide you, to explain everything you needed to know- everything you _needed._

_It’s hard._ He didn’t even look to you, stared unseeingly through the transparisteel. _You’ll get better._

Better. Was this your fate now? You swallowed down tears, turned the purple stone in your hand. 

_I know you will._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ilinx: a kind of play [that] creates a temporary disruption of perception, as with vertigo, dizziness, or disorienting changes in direction of movement. A French word for “the ‘strange excitement’ of wanton destruction,”


	9. Zygoma [Explicit]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo wakes up hungry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Contains:** Somnophilia (technically dubcon, but Reader is chill with it), Sparring (violence towards Reader)

Despite the emotionally draining, nigh exhausting day before, your dreams were vague- only natural jumps of electric impulses in your brain, thankfully nothing supernatural or premonitionish about them. You’d passed out almost immediately upon returning to the _Finalizer_ , too worn out to even bother to do anything more than shed your outer clothes and crawl under Kylo’s dark sheets.

So deeply asleep, you couldn't even recall dreaming. Until you were waking up. Being pulled towards consciousness with repetitive motions, a growing heat- your breath speeding up and catching-

You woke, your exhale already caught halfway into a moan. The connection wasn’t hard to make- the bed beside you was empty and Kylo’s silky dark hair was spread out messily over your thighs, his eyes half lidded- staring at you from between your legs. His lilting response making it all too obvious that he’d been waiting for you to wake up.

You wanted to chide him for waking you before you alarm, but his skilled, wet tongue continued his teasing pace- the tip tracing soft, lazy circles around your clit. Any desire to reprimand faded from existence and you sighed, spread your legs further in silent pleading. You _felt_ his grin against your skin, echoed easily through his mind- always so amused and pleased with your reaction to his touch. _Always so willing to give in to me..._

You arched up against his mouth, seeking more, whispering the quite _yes, yes, yes,_ in response. His hands- large and kneading, settled under your ass, palms all too pleased to grab and grope at your pliant flesh. Kylo kept his pace, slow and easy, all too happy to just watch you unwind for his touch. You sighed, honestly just as pleased as could be- “Oh, Kylo…”

Something changed in the air, like he had remembered something, but the thought was gone too quickly for you to see. The fingernails of his left hand dug into the flesh of your ass his right gripped tighter, suddenly _holding_ you, dragging your body down the bed and wrinkling the sheets behind you.

You tense at the motion, one hand curled into the sheets with the other wrapped around his forearm, desperate to hold onto anything. Instinctively you had clamped your thighs around Kylo’s ears, but your alarm only makes him sit up just enough for you to see his mouth. His lips flushed and swollen already, his chin entirely covered in your clear, wet slickness-- those intense acidic eyes met yours, piercing into your soul as he slowly, _deliberately_ swept his soft, pink tongue over his lips.

The taste echoed across your connection, saturated and thick across your tongue. Your pussy clenched, you could nearly feel the rush of arousal sliding out of your body and staining the sheets.

Kylo gave a lopsided grin- before you could even raise an eyebrow, that long, sinful tongue was put to work- sliding up your slit and collecting your wetness before it could even touch your thighs- the briefest sweep over your aching clit makes you shiver and chase his mouth again.

You panted, return his smug look with your own. Of course he was in your head.

Before you can protest, his mouth meets your pussy again- more forceful, now, but no less methodical. Sucking on the plump curves of your labia, laying bites against your thighs, first soft, then harsh enough and long enough for you to twist one hand into the sheets to keep from crying out, leaving dark marks scattered over your inner thighs. 

He centered himself over you again- leaving your aching thighs alone as his tongue finally began to pet over your needy clit. You gasped, mewled as you finally felt the warm waves of pleasure begin to cascade through your body. But he was slow, giving only meandering, slow touches. Enough to make you relax for him again, but not near enough to get you even close.

Your pleasurable respite was short lived; as soon as you began to melt into the gentle, sweeping strokes of Kylo’s soft tongue, his blunt fingernails dug into the flesh of your ass and nearly began to lift you off the sheets. His face completely obscured by his thick ebony locks, you couldn’t even watch as he wrapped his lips around your hard little clit, and _sucked._

Pain and pleasure shot up your spine, made every limb scramble for a hold on him- your breath caught in harsh gasps, unable to do more than give airy whines. Your fingers twisted into his hair, only half heartedly trying to pull him off- your thighs clamped tight along the sides of his head, keeping him right where he was. Every attempt to pull your sex away from him only made the suction more intense, the vacuum of his lips too strong to escape. And each shivering jerk of your hips away from his mouth only made you more aware of the smirk curled across his lips and radiated across your connection.

Only when your gasps began to cut off into sobs of desperation- for what, exactly, you couldn’t tell- did he let you go with a loud, wet slurp. The release was almost as shocking as the suction; your clit swollen and more sensitive than ever. Even just the hot puffs of Kylo’s breath against your dripping slit had you squirming against his sheets.

He gave you only a moment’s reprise- just long enough to realize just how tender and vulnerable you truly were- before he was diving back in. Soft lips wrapped around your clit again as the hard edges of his teeth laid against your flesh, daring you to squirm now. The threat made you shiver, your legs close up around Kylo's head again in the primal desire to protect yourself. 

You whimpered, held onto his hair like a lifeline as his tongue resumed its torturous pace. No longer soft and sliding, now sharp and quick little jabbing thrusts against your clit, the tip of his tongue tense and hard, swift and unrelenting. Over and over, bottom to top, massaging at the underside of your clit with reckless abandon. You gasped at the change of pace and felt the heat curl in your abdomen- and so did Kylo. His fingertips again dug into your flesh- now hard enough to truly begin to hurt and pulled you towards him- his right hand, metallic and smooth and hindered without fingernails, slipped along your thigh, scratching lightly all the way along--

You choked out a high whine, felt your toes curl as the shockwaves passed through your body. Kylo licked you through it, pulled your pleasure out until your poor swollen clit tingled with oversensitivity. But even as you twitched and came down, Kylo kissed at your thighs and stomach, revisiting the marks across your thighs that had begun to bruise. Only when your clawed grasp on his hair relaxed and you began to stroke at his scalp did he look up to you- dark eyes half lidded and just as pleased as you surely appeared.

One corner of his lips pulled up ever so slightly- the faintest echo of a smile. It looked good on him, as it always did. Warmed your heart and gave you hope. You whispered against his mind, _Come here, let me…_

But Kylo only hummed and passed a memory to you: 

_You, sleeping on your side, one arm tucked under your head, the other pressed close to your chest. Completely asleep. All the turmoil from the previous day washed away on your peaceful, relaxed face. Kylo had just woken up, and through his own nerves you could feel his cock still warm and thick from whatever he dreamed about- and how he curled one large hand around it, stroking himself as he pressed up against your mind: you’d stopped dreaming a while ago, now just drifting below consciousness._

_You rolled over onto your back towards him, your sleep shirt hanging low across your chest. He licks his lips- the ghost sensation travelling across your own- as he reached out and cupped one breast. In your sleep you sighed, arched into his touch._

He slipped away then, both out of the memory and off the bed. His pants still low around his hips, revealing the scarred, taught muscle underneath- and the lowest edge of the bowcaster scar on his side. He began to dress- and you took that as enough of a cue for you to get ready as well. 

You weren’t quite sure what to think of Kylo’s behavior. He’d certainly done worse (he’d taken you to his room and undressed you, for fuck’s sake), but that had been so long ago, now. And… it wasn’t like you were really complaining- you’d certainly enjoyed that. Even… Your cheeks heated. Even the idea of Kylo touching himself next to you while you slept.

 _Check the time._ His voice in your head made you startle and completely miss the leg of your pants. Fully dressed, he leaned against the wall- helmeted and clearly amused, waiting for something. 

You narrowed your eyes at him. With only one leg of your pants on, you leaned across your bed to check the wall module. And promptly cursed- both aloud and through your connection. 

It was halfway into beta shift, you were more than an hour late to your training with the other Knights.

You frowned and shot Kylo a sharp glare, knowing Enki already despised you both. While Xeni wasn’t terribly strict, you had at least tried to be punctual. The corners of Kylo’s eyes pinched together in what you could only describe as _mirth._

_I was having too much fun._

You rolled your eyes and pulled on the rest of your clothes.

 

Xeni and Enki said nothing as you entered the training room, but Xeni’s response was open just enough for you to read her almost-amusement. Even if Enki didn’t know, Xeni _definitely_ knew what had made you late.

You ducked your head a little, hid in the tall-collared jacket you’d picked up. It wasn’t like she didn’t already know, you scolded yourself. But Xeni made no remarks Enki’s lack of commentary, however, made you uneasy. After… after yesterday’s events, you expected a foul jab or at least some smug feeling drifting off him. But you got nothing, just the same dark, empty hole you’d first felt when he arrived.

“Well?” Kylo demanded, not even bothering to look to them as he retrieved two training swords. 

Xeni- unmasked again, you noted- stepped closer, but still stayed near the doorway. “Snoke wants an update on your apprentice.” Your stomach sank abruptly, the blood rushing out of your face made you lightheaded. She eyed Enki as she continued. “Apparently, he heard you reacted strangely on M’haeli.” 

Of course he'd heard. Enki had gone running to Snoke, you shouldn't have let him walk out of that cave-- _Shhh…_ Kylo’s voice echoed in your skull as you tried to pull yourself together. 

Kylo tossed one of the swords to you- you fumbled with it for a moment, hands still too stiff from shock. “Then I will contact him after our session.”

“Yes,” Enki’s cool mechanized voice, so much more grating than Kylo’s vocoder, made you shudder. “And we will observe you today.” This was a nightmare. Your fingers curled so tight around the durasteel you worried, momentarily, if you could break your own fingers like this. You were in no state to be observed. If it was just Xeni, perhaps you could be okay, but

Somehow, you felt a hand curl into your own, wide fingers slotting impossibly between yours. The projection was so small- and on your hand furthest from the Knights- perhaps they wouldn’t even be able to see it. But you squeezed it, whispered all your anxieties to Kylo. You wouldn't be good enough. Even if you were, you were so scared now you could hardly hold your blade.

The subtle dip of his mask was all the recognition you got, and a single phrase. _Fear leads to anger._

Anger. You exhaled slowly. Yes, anger. You could use that. You closed your eyes. Anger. The same power you’d felt in the cave, the obsidian energy that had lended itself so easily to you. Perhaps it should alarm you how easily you found it again, that hot mess of emotions that settled into your chest. 

Kylo held his sword upright, through your connection you could feel the eerie calm across the surface of his mind. Not the calmness that Jedi seek, perhaps something akin to the eye in a hurricane, or the time just before a storm when every animal in the forest goes deathly silent. 

_Ready?_

You nodded, raised your sword. 

 

 

 

Kylo was on the offense immediately, forcing you to react to each of his strikes rather than place your own. With each block, he began to push you back across the training room, leading you in your violent dance. 

Even with your connection to the Dark, you were still easily bested. You weren’t exactly _surprised_ , you hadn’t won a spar with him yet, of course, but something _had_ changed. Each time you were thrown to the ground, pain radiating from some new joint or the wind knocked from your lungs- you were climbing back to your feet and resuming your pose faster. 

Each time you sneered at the ceiling and bit down the pain, your determination to do better, to at least _try_ only grew. Boiling into something you dare not name, burning at you to just hit him _once_. 

And you nearly did. Your swords had locked briefly- and you saw it, a brief moment in time to slide your sword free and bring the flat edge hard against his torso. But as soon as you had, before you could even begin to act- Kylo twisted his own weapon and pulled yours straight out of your hands- dearming you before you could even realize what had happened. 

You looked to your hands, confused- and the heel of Kylo’s palm found your cheekbone. You fell back onto the mats again. And this time, you couldn’t get up, still confused with your skull vibrating with the pain from your bruised face. You blinked at the ceiling, feeling the same wicked pleasure course across Kylo’s mind at having defeated you yet again- and in the knowledge you’d have one hell of a black eye. 

Just as you hard gathered enough annoyance at that alone- “Alright.” Xeni’s melodic voice cut in. “I think that’s enough.” 

You swallowed and looked up to Kylo. He had turned to look to Xeni, but even with his mask on, as he looked to you, you knew how his brows were drawn together. Wordlessly, he offered you one gloved hand, pulling you to your feet despite the radiating pain one one ankle.

None of you said anything as you crossed the ship. Even in the little elevator, you remained silent. You itched to take Kylo’s hand again, but Xeni and Enki stood behind you, and you had no doubt they would see it.

You’d seen these doors many times before, waiting over and over for Kylo to return from whatever hellish nightmare was on the other side. But this time you were not waiting for him to leave this room- unnaturally charged with the dark power of the Supreme Leader even from across the galaxy. Your legs locked up as you approached- but Kylo’s hand flattened against the small of your back and urged you onward, through wide, black doors. 

The holochamber was massive, towering empty walls that served no purpose other than to create the shimmering, blue-toned image of- of- 

You swallowed, cringed. Snoke’s image was not widely spread and now you knew why. Grotesquely scarred and horrific looking, this was never what you had envisioned as the tactical and wise Supreme Leader. The fingertips of Kylo’s gloves slid across your back as he and the other two Knights of Ren continued forward, toward the towering holo.

You eyes met Xeni's as she turned back to look at you as she took her place. The only unmasked Knight of the trio, she turned back to look at you- her orange eyes meeting yours. You thought, for a moment, she was going to say something- but all of the Knight’s minds are carefully sealed, eerily sterile and cleansed of anything personal. 

“Supreme Leader,” Kylo acknowledged. From behind you could only see the hard curve of his helmet rising as he lowered his chin. Even with his shielding up, you could feel the tense muscles in his shoulders, the hopeless obedience that surrounded him. Something about it made you gag, made you curl your fingers to resist going to him. 

The ghastly creature before you leaned forward, looming over you. He studied you for a long moment- each of the Knights holding their breath, waiting for his judgement. His voice is worse than you could ever imagine. “Come forward.” 

You focused on your breathing and did as the Supreme Leader asked, approaching the other Knights on wobbly knees, as though you should stand among their ranks. Snoke hummed- the sound reverberating from the comms in the chamber, shaking you to the bone. “Frail little creature, aren’t you? Hardly even aware of the Force.” 

“And _weak,”_ Enki hissed. Your gaze snapped towards him, the hot wash of rage returning easily. “And they make Kylo Ren _weak.”_

Snoke’s eyes slid over to Enki before returning to you- more critical, narrowing as you trembled- with fear or rage, you couldn't tell. “The Knights are my enforcers, child. You must abide by any order I give, must do whatever it takes to accomplish it.” Snoke leaned back, “The next time a rebel faces you, will you fight?”

You felt your mouth open, pause- and close again. You’d spent so much of your life training now- so much time under Kylo’s guidance. Yet you still hesitated. Snoke’s visage solemned, disappointment washing over you from across the stars.

Your gaze dropped, unable to stand the weight of the Supreme Leader’s judgement. You… you weren’t be cut out to be a Knight, were you? You couldn’t kill for a cause you weren’t even that dedicated to. You were here for Kylo, perhaps even for yourself, but not for Snoke.

Only then did the heavy realization set in: those not fit to be Knights were killed. 

A cold shock shot down your spine, every nerve alight in a surge of adrenaline. They... they were going to kill you. There was no way you could fight all three of them if it came to that- and you knew Xeni was faster than you. You glanced back towards the wide doors, measuring the distance. There was no way you could escape. 

This was it.

Enki’s mask tilted towards you, looking over his shoulder at you. _Terror._ There was no way he couldn’t feel it- in your horror, there’s not a chance you sustained your own shielding at the revelation. All three of them knew. 

Snoke sat forward again, what little remained of his mouth twisted down in a glower. 

You were going to die. This was it.

His mouth began to move- 

“Supreme Leader,” Kylo stepped between you. His head no longer low in subservience, but raised and demanding. Surprise slipped between your minds, just as much yours as his own. You feel him swallow. Even behind his mask, his voice is strained.“They are still new. Still _malleable_. I can train them. Make them learn.” 

He sneered, spindly fingers curled around the armrests of his throne. “And if they _don’t,_ Kylo Ren?”

He hesitated, shoulders shaking as he forced himself to draw in another breath. You felt the words on your tongue, as if they were your own, even before they left Kylo’s mouth. “Then I will kill them myself.”

Your blood ran cold, your body freezing in that moment. He was sincere. He didn’t want to be. You knew well enough Kylo would do everything he could to make sure he didn’t have to, but the tightness of his voice, the way his hands were twitching at his sides…

Snoke was talking again, but you could hear nothing over the ringing in your ears. Kylo was going to kill you.

Would it always come back to this? Kill or be killed? A shudder passed through you- the same two haunting images lingering in your mind again. A bloodstained battlefield and a green forest. Any question was gone now, your fate sealed to one of two paths. 

That’s all that was left for you, a binary existence of life or death. 

You hardly notice as Xeni and Enki pass by you on either side. The blue sheen over the room gone, replaced only with the standard eerie white glow of the projectors. Kylo turned towards you slowly, his whole being stretched too thin, worn by the weight of his proposed task.

Even with his mask on, you knew him too well, exactly the expression he’d have. Eyes wide and wet, so intensely seeking your approval, lips twitching with the need to say _something_ to make it better. He needed so badly to be reassured, for you to swear you would do better.

You swallowed, wet your tongue before you could speak. “Why would you say that?”

The chin of Kylo’s masks dropped, his gaze settling to your feet. He took a breathe and it lifted again. The tension in his shoulders was back, drawing his tall body up to his full height. He stared down at you as his hands curled into fists, tight enough for you to feel your own hands tingling at the pressure. Anger, determination humming against your mind.

“You already know why.”

You looked to your feet, found strange comfort in the familiarity of Kylo's boots. Of course you already knew. Kylo wanted you. And this was the only way he could have you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TLJ spoilers:  
> .  
> .  
> .  
> .  
> .  
> Kylo In TLJ: I've given everything I have to you. To the Dark Side.  
> Me, rolling up my sleeves: not yet you haven't.  
> .  
> .  
> .
> 
> also. Just so y'all know. I've had this entire fic planned out since I finished FLW. 
> 
>  
> 
> Zygoma = cheekbone
> 
> If you are concerned about Kylo/Reader's relationship and need reassurance feel free to hit me up on my Tumblrs:
> 
> [Writing](korpuskat.tumblr.com) | [Personal](satans-codpiece.tumblr.com) | [Star Wars](Problematic-kylo.tumblr.com)
> 
>  


End file.
